Day 1915: The end!

EVERYONE! I'M DONE!

I am abso-frickin-lutely stoked for the end of this year. The exam was longer than the 1000m run, but I finished. Thank baby Ganesh. Exam results will be up soon so expect some news on that.

I thought, since I finally have time, I would write a substantial post about this year. So here it goes.

This year has brought me a lot of ups and downs. With the first down being two days after moving to Milwaukee, where I bawled to my mother and Danny that I couldn't find a way to get my newly purchased queen bed to my actual apartment building. Then there were the many cries of biochemistry. Then my poor (and I mean poor) exam scores in the first block of semester two. Lots of downs, that seemed to out-measure the ups -- my first boyfriend! (He's swell.) Meeting some really great people who will probably be in my life forever. My own life here in Milwaukee. All in all though, this year is summed up in three words, "I did it." But not without a lot of self-examination, hard work, and tears galore.

Up until about two months ago, my entire academic year had been a bit of a wash. What I mean is, I kind of just pitter-pattered along, getting passing grades, because honestly, P = MD. Then, when the P was not coming as easily, and I was truly in trouble, I was scared. Out of my mind. Europe was booked at the end of spring break/mid-March. I was honestly so unsure about my academic status that I feared I wouldn't be able to go on, much less enjoy, the trip because I might have to remediate a course. That's how serious things were. I'm not sure how it happened, or who helped me get there (definitely the family and the beau), but I just have to thank each and every one of you (dear readers) for being here for me.

I know I don't talk in depth about the bad stuff that happens to me, but it should be known that this year was a struggle. I always knew (somewhere, at least for biochem) that I would be okay. I managed to pass biochem (I got a 70.1 and the cut-off for a C/Pass was a 70. Very close, I know.) and I just thought that this semester would be better/more interesting/etc. And it was better and more interesting, but with all of that came a lot more information and a lot more work. Work that I just wasn't truly willing to put the time in to.

I keep saying "if I had just figured this out, I could have been doing well all along," but Danny (and I know I just posted about this) really brought up a great point. My failure was the only thing that could have enough power to drive me to do well. And not well, but really-freaking-good well.

To end this long post, I want to tell you all a big secret. I came into this MD program with the attitude of "well, why not?" I thought, I could be a doctor (I mean, I'm in the program, am I not?), but I never actually considered I would. Does that make sense? I say a lot, "IF I'm a doctor, IF I make it through" and my neighbor is actually the one who put it best, "no way girl. You're in it already. You are going to BE a doctor."And you know what? He's right. I will be a doctor.

Day 1907: Two down, two to go.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jessica is two exams away from finishing her first year of medical school. !!!

My medical interview final was not what I heard it would be, but was totally fine. Hypertension and a 3-generation family history. Done-zo.

Today was my last exam for Cell & Tissue Biology (CTB). You should know, I absolutely annihilated it. 91 on the lab exam and 96 on the lecture exam.  I have to say, this class was actually pretty easy, which explains it's 78% pass score. (A "B" is an 85.5%!) I wish I had my act together in block 1 of this semester because this entire semester has been me working my butt off to compensate for my crappy first exam scores. I could have done really well (in this class) this semester!

Oh well. As Danny likes to point out, I got my act together pretty late in the game, but at least I got it together. And! Knowing what I need to succeed will mean that I will succeed next year.

Here are some fun pictures from my day:

Look what my sister sent me! A frame and self-made bracelets!

This was my reward. There is cheese inside the burger!

Okay kids, I've got to start studying neuro. The CTB exam ended at 11 and I've been doing random things since (getting clothes hemmed, making food, getting my laundry together, cleaning, tidying) so this is the last of my procrastination!

Until next time!

Day 1904: Don't be mad.

This is the last post you will be reading for the next week or so.

I have my medical interviewing final on Wednesday, a cell tissue biology exam on Thursday and then my neuroscience and physiology finals next week.

If I blog in that time frame, don't begrudge me for not studying. I'm sure a 20-minute-blog-break is not going to kill me. And, let's all be grateful I am updating this blog and not perusing Just Jared or People.com or other true time-wasters.

Wish me luck!

Day 1891: Happy May Day!

Hola todos! Today was the day of my Medical Spanish final. The final is comprised of conducting a medical interview, in Spanish. People. I have enough trouble conducting a medical interview in English (and remembering all the questions to ask). In what universe do you think I can perform one in Spanish?!

Luckily, they were swell peeps and they told us the six possible cases we would encounter:

1. Back pain / el dolor de la espalda
2. Hypertension / la hipertensión
3. Depression / la depresión
4. Abdominal pain / el dolor del abdomen
5. Asthma / el asma
6. Diabetes / la diabetes

My main preparatory concern was vocabulary. Luckily, they allowed us to bring in a 3x5 index card with whatever we wanted. I ended up being lazy and not even bringing a card. It worked out because I got a fairly easy case -- asthma! I think my unnecessary stress about this actually showed me two things. 1) They prepared us pretty darn well for this final. We had already gone over a lot of it in the previous four weeks of classes. 2) I stress out about things I don't need to stress out about. El caso de asma fue facil!

Oh, before I forget, the final also involved food! Delicious, delicious food of Spanish-speaking countries! Tamales! Corn tortillas with pork/chicken and guacamole and salsa and all the accoutrements! Churros! There was so much food (and of course I ate so much) that they sent us home with some. Way more for me than anyone else! (See below.) Food and a final. You know, I would be much more okay with final exams if there was food involved :)

Yes, that is an entire package of tamales I get to take home!

Day 1834: Live from medical school...

...it's Saturday night (vaguely) and I'm still alive!

While learning neurological things about our senses (taste, touch, smell, vision and hearing), I have decided our brains do some pretty intense stuff to process our sense. I must say, it's interesting, but not so interesting that I want to know where all the nuclei are for my cranial nerves. Does it matter if my trigeminal nuclei (both motor and sensory) are in my mid-pons? No. Do you know why? Read this paragraph, I sound so obnoxious!

These are words medical neuroscience has taught me: lemniscus, colliculus, geniculate, there are more. Variations on a theme really. Lateral lemniscus, medial lemniscus, superior colliculus, inferior colliculus, you get the drift. These are the most recent ones to come up on my list of many things to learn.

Dear medical school (especially neuroscience), if you could give me a super high A on this exam, I swear on my favorite clothes that I will be the best doctor ever. Love, Jess

Day 1381: Quick update

Sorry for falling off the face of the earth. Attending lecture and studying takes a lot out of a girl!

I have shadowed my mentor (an opthamologist) twice. Look out for an entry about that in the next two weeks. I have exams coming up. Cell tissue biology tomorrow, neuroscience on Monday and then physiology on Thursday.

After that, I will be heading on a little weekend trip with some school friends. Then some sister time in southern California. Followed by some much needed family-and-friend time back home in the Bay Area.

Oh. I also have a pimple inside my right nostril that hurts like nobody's business.

(It's good to know I'm still random and medical school hasn't made me too boring just yet.)

Day 1362: Saturday Free Clinic

While trying to maintain posting-momentum, I wanted to write about my experience at the Saturday Free Clinic last week.

In case you all don't remember, I did not get the position to be a manager of the Saturday Free Clinic. At first I felt fine about it. Then angry. And then it all quelled and I had bigger things to focus on (like staying in medical school, haha). Anyway, after that awful week of exams, I had clinic the Saturday after. And this is how it went...

Usually first-year medical students get paired with a second-year medical student. The first year (aka M1) does the interview (hi, what brings you in today? etc etc). The second year (aka M2) performs the physical. An M3/M4 does everything again. Then the three students present to an actual physician, who then goes in to actually see the patient and address whatever issues the patient has. Most M1/M2 pairs see two patients a day.

Well! There were too many M1s so I volunteered to go by myself! You've all met me. I like nothing more than embarrassing myself and my father has slowly engrained in me that whatever I don't know, it's okay! I don't have to know everything. I can't tell the patient that of course, haha, but I can tell them I will confer with the doctor (which always seems to put them at ease). Long story short, I was by myself (and was awesome, duh) and saw three patients! I got lucky because my patients weren't very difficult (back pain, a physical and some bodily malfunctions (mainly a cough) that I wasn't uncomfortable with).

The entire experience reinvigorated my desire to stay here. It gets hard when you know the material and then your exam score doesn't demonstrate that. But being in a clinical setting showed me how great I am with patients and as long as I can stay afloat, I'm going to be a great doctor. Yay for joyful posts!

Day 1360: Drastic changes I

Hello hello.

In comparison to my fairly regular daily posts of January, I am obviously way off the mark for February. Nevertheless, I am realizing that perhaps substance over quantity is important. But who doesn't like picture posts? They break up the monotony of text text text.

Anyway, as I described last week, my performance on exams last week was poor. It made me very unhappy and honestly made me doubt myself more than necessary. I worried I didn't belong in medical school and I could not figure out for the life of me what I was doing wrong.

Well. Let me tell you something. I went to bed very early Sunday night, due to a headache and general lack of sleep the previous week. I woke up at 6:45am to attend class. Whoa. Apparently, when you sleep well, you not only stay awake through four hours of nonstop class, but you actually learn something. Monday was a very eye-opening day for me. I have been to lecture every day (well, except yesterday but I had a good reason for skipping, promise; AND I even watched last year's lectures early to make up for the lectures I would be missing yesterday) and it has been surprising how a) easy it is to wake up early, b) how much I listen and learn in class, and c) how much more professors get to know me (which I know will make my mother tres happy).

Overall, I feel like this new strategy will give me the support/boost I need to reaffirm my place here. Struggles are a part of life and I need to remember I can not only overcome this, but I will dominate it.

Day 1353: Deserved suffering

Okay, so I know some people will yell at me for blogging at all this week. But I have to get this out.

I have had two exams so far this week. The first one was okay (but I still did poorly) and the physiology exam yesterday was awful. A pie full of 'aw', awful. While walking to one of the hospital cafeterias this morning at 4:17am (I am not kidding), I realized something. I have been coasting in medical school. I sit on the internet half the day perusing fashion blogs, following pop culture, sometimes-shopping-sometimes-not, looking at stocks to invest in, and anything else that involves procrastinating. I think I have been waiting for medical school to get easy. Or interesting. It is certainly not getting any easier and I am discovering that my interest is in the big picture of medicine and not the teeny-tiny details these people are obsessed with. But. I realized I can't play by my rules, I have to play by theirs (and by theirs I mean all of medical school, everywhere).

So. Because I royally screwed up this week (don't worry mom and dad, it's nothing I can't fix. This is something very fixable), I am earning my A on my cell tissue biology test tomorrow. I stayed at school last night. I think I fell asleep from 1am to ...3:45? in a little chair in one of the 24-hour-study-rooms. I'm not actually sure when I woke up. I wasn't planning on staying so I have no food with me, hence the cafeteria run at 4:17am (which, by the way, they were closed! The ONE hour they are closed and, of course, I walk the five minutes to get there. I went back at 5:17am to eat an omelet and toast. HEAVEN.)

I am going to finish learning the other half of lectures by 7:30am (even with this blog post). I am going to finish learning everything by 11am note: I will finish everything by...12:30ish. I fell asleep. Which is probably good since I was doing this:

Courtesy of a Google search.
In case it doesn't animate, click on the image to see what I was doing.

It's okay. I am feeling good so far. The plan is still the same for the rest of the day--review, I am going to review all freaking day...realistically until 3 or 4pm. Which is when I will go to the gym, finally go home, pay my rent, shower, and actually feel prepared for the exam tomorrow.

I am very upset that this week has not gone how I want. However, if anything is to be gained from this sh!t show, it is that I made these mistakes early this semester so that I still have three more blocks/exams to bring everything back to where it needs it be and to feel like I may finally have a handle on medical school.