Day 1353: Deserved suffering

Okay, so I know some people will yell at me for blogging at all this week. But I have to get this out.

I have had two exams so far this week. The first one was okay (but I still did poorly) and the physiology exam yesterday was awful. A pie full of 'aw', awful. While walking to one of the hospital cafeterias this morning at 4:17am (I am not kidding), I realized something. I have been coasting in medical school. I sit on the internet half the day perusing fashion blogs, following pop culture, sometimes-shopping-sometimes-not, looking at stocks to invest in, and anything else that involves procrastinating. I think I have been waiting for medical school to get easy. Or interesting. It is certainly not getting any easier and I am discovering that my interest is in the big picture of medicine and not the teeny-tiny details these people are obsessed with. But. I realized I can't play by my rules, I have to play by theirs (and by theirs I mean all of medical school, everywhere).

So. Because I royally screwed up this week (don't worry mom and dad, it's nothing I can't fix. This is something very fixable), I am earning my A on my cell tissue biology test tomorrow. I stayed at school last night. I think I fell asleep from 1am to ...3:45? in a little chair in one of the 24-hour-study-rooms. I'm not actually sure when I woke up. I wasn't planning on staying so I have no food with me, hence the cafeteria run at 4:17am (which, by the way, they were closed! The ONE hour they are closed and, of course, I walk the five minutes to get there. I went back at 5:17am to eat an omelet and toast. HEAVEN.)

I am going to finish learning the other half of lectures by 7:30am (even with this blog post). I am going to finish learning everything by 11am note: I will finish everything by...12:30ish. I fell asleep. Which is probably good since I was doing this:

Courtesy of a Google search.
In case it doesn't animate, click on the image to see what I was doing.

It's okay. I am feeling good so far. The plan is still the same for the rest of the day--review, I am going to review all freaking day...realistically until 3 or 4pm. Which is when I will go to the gym, finally go home, pay my rent, shower, and actually feel prepared for the exam tomorrow.

I am very upset that this week has not gone how I want. However, if anything is to be gained from this sh!t show, it is that I made these mistakes early this semester so that I still have three more blocks/exams to bring everything back to where it needs it be and to feel like I may finally have a handle on medical school.

Day 1348: Light

Today's picture: light

This light is in my living room. Of course as a poor graduate student, I bought the cheapest upright lamp they sold at Target. I am still very California (aka green-friendly) so I bought an energy-saving bulb. Too bad this bulb is bigger than the lamp "shade" because this is what it looks like when alight. My attempts to be classy are often thwarted by my a) cheapness, b) green-ness or c) both.

EXAMS ARE NEXT WEEK. LET'S SEE HOW MUCH STUDYING I GET DONE IN THE NEXT 48 HOURS. EEP.

Day 1306: Almost home!

Oh hi. How are you?

My exams Thursday went surprisingly well. After my lab practical on Wednesday, I rocked that practical out. I did so well on the practical, and have had such a steady grade in that class, that I could have actually gotten a ZERO on that exam and my grade would not have moved at all. So. I stopped studying for that baby shortly after I posted my "Day 1303" post.

Human development/embryology went very well actually. I have discovered that the best way for me to actually learn this material is to teach it to someone else. So. That is the plan for next semester. Learning it. Teaching it. And then winning at it.

I left for southern California that night. I got to see my gorgeosa amiga Nickita Banana and hang out with her very redwood-like boyfriend. It's always good to see gal-pals and (re)connect. She's so smart gettin' her masters/PhD. Now I'm at my sister's place in SoCal, waiting for everyone to wake up, haha. I am very excited to come home and pay for expensive yoga (blech, no fun), see my friends (!!), hang out with my family and just be very grateful for all of the good in my life.

AND HELLO. I JUST COMPLETED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF MEDICAL SCHOOL. Thank baby Jesus, baby Buddha, and my favorite, baby Ganesh.

Images from here, here and here.

Day 1205: I am so out of it.

Courtesy of the International Journal of Morphology

Welcome to my life. This is the brachial plexus. (My gosh, I already sound like such a douchey science/doctor-like person. I apologize.) The brachial plexus is a compilation of nerves, arteries and veins right beside your armpit (running down your arm). I can actually name every number and initial in the picture, as well as tell you their functions. Insanity, I know.

The genetics final was fine. The anatomy lab practical (we go into the cadaver lab where the professors have tagged structures (nerves, arteries, veins, muscles, etc; like above) and then the students have one minute per station to identify said structures) wasn't too bad. There were a couple of curveballs but I felt pretty okay-to-good about it.

Today's anatomy written exam (where they throw us clinical questions) was, pardon my French, a bit of a b!tch. I forgot to look over some muscle functions this morning on my way to class (I fell asleep studying last night) and there were definitely a few "what-the-hell" questions on there. I did fine, but I know I could have done better, which is really frustrating me at the moment.

I'm in such a weird place about medical school right now. I feel like I can't quite get a hold on it, so I'm stressing out because I haven't figured it out yet, and then I stress about the amount of information I need to be learning and it's a bit of a vicious cycle. The stress isn't palpable, but it's starting to build and I feel like either crying, sleeping or curling into a ball and trying to roll into the street to die (melodramatic much?).

I just need to find my footing and I'll be fine. I just wonder how long it will take to find some stable ground instead of this quicksand I seem to find myself in.

Day 1201: School is hard.

Genetics final on Tuesday. First anatomy block exams (lab portion on Tuesday, written portion on Wednesday) next week. Lots of eating delicious food post-exams (I have never been a big drinker.)

In other news, my best friend Jess is coming out to Chicago the week after my second round of exams and we're trying to convince our other best friend to meet us there. I might die of joy if that happens.

I wish I had more fun things going on this holiday weekend. I mean not really. I need to study. A lot.

Ok, we'll talk later.