Thursday, May 24, 2012

Day 1915: The end!


I am abso-frickin-lutely stoked for the end of this year. The exam was longer than the 1000m run, but I finished. Thank baby Ganesh. Exam results will be up soon so expect some news on that.

I thought, since I finally have time, I would write a substantial post about this year. So here it goes.

This year has brought me a lot of ups and downs. With the first down being two days after moving to Milwaukee, where I bawled to my mother and Danny that I couldn't find a way to get my newly purchased queen bed to my actual apartment building. Then there were the many cries of biochemistry. Then my poor (and I mean poor) exam scores in the first block of semester two. Lots of downs, that seemed to out-measure the ups -- my first boyfriend! (He's swell.) Meeting some really great people who will probably be in my life forever. My own life here in Milwaukee. All in all though, this year is summed up in three words, "I did it." But not without a lot of self-examination, hard work, and tears galore.

Up until about two months ago, my entire academic year had been a bit of a wash. What I mean is, I kind of just pitter-pattered along, getting passing grades, because honestly, P = MD. Then, when the P was not coming as easily, and I was truly in trouble, I was scared. Out of my mind. Europe was booked at the end of spring break/mid-March. I was honestly so unsure about my academic status that I feared I wouldn't be able to go on, much less enjoy, the trip because I might have to remediate a course. That's how serious things were. I'm not sure how it happened, or who helped me get there (definitely the family and the beau), but I just have to thank each and every one of you (dear readers) for being here for me.

I know I don't talk in depth about the bad stuff that happens to me, but it should be known that this year was a struggle. I always knew (somewhere, at least for biochem) that I would be okay. I managed to pass biochem (I got a 70.1 and the cut-off for a C/Pass was a 70. Very close, I know.) and I just thought that this semester would be better/more interesting/etc. And it was better and more interesting, but with all of that came a lot more information and a lot more work. Work that I just wasn't truly willing to put the time in to.

I keep saying "if I had just figured this out, I could have been doing well all along," but Danny (and I know I just posted about this) really brought up a great point. My failure was the only thing that could have enough power to drive me to do well. And not well, but really-freaking-good well.

To end this long post, I want to tell you all a big secret. I came into this MD program with the attitude of "well, why not?" I thought, I could be a doctor (I mean, I'm in the program, am I not?), but I never actually considered I would. Does that make sense? I say a lot, "IF I'm a doctor, IF I make it through" and my neighbor is actually the one who put it best, "no way girl. You're in it already. You are going to BE a doctor."And you know what? He's right. I will be a doctor.