Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Day 952: Spreading belated holiday cheer

I really have enjoyed how random my year has been. With ups (med school goodness! No more metal mouth!) and downs (careening off my bicycle...twice, metal mouth for a majority of the year, prepping for med school reapplication insanity) to fill it up, I must say, the year has been pretty all right.

I have received holiday cards from an odd compilation of people, and I feel it illustrates how perfectly random my life is. A couple of cards are from friends and a couple are from random eBay people that I've bought things from. I find that the holidays brings about a fair share of sorrow and joy and apparently causes everyone humanly possible to get engaged.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Day 945: More gratitude.

Upon further reflection, aside from you all, I'm not really thankful for very much. Haha.

I mean aside from the amazing life I've been given, the incalculable amount of opportunities I have been afforded and the sheer matter-of-fact that I am alive and as well as I can be, what else is there to be thankful for?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day 938: Winding down

As we draw closer to December 20th (the day the university closes for winter break), the workload seems to be slowing down. Granted, my workload is always slow, but that's besides the point.

This post is going to be more about the pros of my labwork (than the cons of the previous post). I have learned to do cool things, like perform surgery on rats, find arteries in said rats, and suture those babies up. I am supposedly a co-author on more than one publication (who knows if this will happen until the paper has been a) accepted and b) comes out). My mandarin has 进步-ed (improved; like my Chinglish there?) leaps and bounds.

With every con, there is hopefully a pro to offset it. If my boss wasn't such a box of tools (or, as my handy dandy online dictionary has translated another pleasant word for him here), I think my time here would be full of pros. But. Idiocy, douche-baggery and plain-ol'-
偏見 are difficult to overlook.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Day 934: I wish politics wasn't a part of everyday life.

I also wish this blog wasn't so "public." You know those stories you hear, about some idiot posting critical and/or secret things about their place of work and then someone eventually finding out and said-idiot gets fired? Well, I think I'm about to be that idiot.

I, of course, can't go into details. However, let it be known, that I wish my lab wasn't the "dumb kid" of the class. Everyone tolerates us and I hate being a part of this lab because I am automatically associated with this idiocy. When, in reality, I am nowhere in the realm of this ridiculousness.

I know this all sounds very vague so here is all you need to take away:
  1. I am the only person who speaks English fluently in my lab
  2. The surrounding labs try to minimize contact with our lab because we're sincerely not-the-most-fluent-English-speakers-nor-the-brightest-bulbs of the bunch
  3. Despite being very grateful for the opportunity to work/intern at this lab and put it on my application and/or resume, and despite how much I adore 40% of the lab, it is quite evident that this is not how science is done. As a result, I am saddened and a bit embarrassed to be associated with them.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 927: The fear slowly sets in

As 2010 winds down and we approach 2011, the fear of my future sets in. You would think I was ecstatic with, you know, having a future. I am. Very glad. Very grateful. Very [insert other emotions]. What I also am, is scared out of my freaking mind.

I barely remember where I leave my keys, how am I supposed to remember everything that happens in the human body?! It's all very daunting. What if I can't handle the load of schoolwork? What if my brain cells go on strike and choose to explode in response to the copious amounts of science I will be cramming in there? What if I hate medicine? What if this, what if that. My mind is brimming with "what ifs." Before, when I just wanted to get in and get started and really get going on this whole "becoming a doctor" bit, I am now hoping for a teeny tiny asteroid to obliterate my existence.

(Courtesy of the world wide web)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Day 926: The smell of science

Have you ever smelled the rain in a city? It hits you like a breath of fresh air. It's utterly undescribable, but very much understood when one mentions the smell of rain. The smell of science is something equally indescribable, but nowhere near as pleasant. Like the smell of rain, the scent is sharp. Like smelling peppers of any kind. It has the pungency of rotting wood, with none of the musk. It enters your nasal cavity like seeping fog. Slow. Permeating throughout your nasal cavity and sitting there. Covering every single nostril hair you have--ensuring the smell is inescapable. It's the smell of research. Progress.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Day 925: Hello December!

Does anyone feel like 2010 snuck up on them? I think that's a good and bad thing in my case. The beginning was rough (with the braces and bracing myself to apply to medical school again), but the end has been...just lovely (with the removal of braces, interviews and acceptances :D). I think there are so many things to be thankful for and I intend to post about them throughout the month.

The first of these "thankful" posts is for support...from all of you. Despite the disparagingly low number of comments, I know you read this absurd compilation of thoughts and feelings and boring med school updates (also known as my blog). It means the world to me that you a) care enough to read it, and b) call/email/comment when I so desperately need it. I know that when med school begins, my whole life will feel like it's unraveling before me (because of the sheer breadth of material I'll have to cram into my fivehead) and it's comforting to know that if I post about any of it, the five of you will read about it. It's hard to explain. It's nice to know someone cares, I suppose is the gist of it all.

So, thanks for reading. But really, thank you for being your exceptional selves. What I am capable of accomplishing in the next four years has little to do with me and everything to do with you, the people who inspire and encourage me to be more than I thought I could be. Especially when we all know how happy I would be to wallow in self-pity with the help of cheese, carbs, chocolate and bad TV.