Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Day 687: A trend

As I'm sure some of you have noticed, 2010 has not been my year for blogging. A lot of it has to do with my feelings of ineptitude, which really aren't that big of a deal. I want to thank those of you who took the time out to check in with me and make sure I wasn't in terrible shape. I'm not. I just needed to get those feelings out there (in the blogosphere) so they wouldn't be in here (points to my stomach). I have to make room for food, not feelings :P

Anyway, to be more true to the subtitle of this blog, things that are happening that are med-school related...
  • Still interning. Lately there has been a lull in my duties, which was fine when I had exams but is currently not-so-fine now that I'm feeling rather useless in my life.

  • With the help of the most amazing best friend in the entire universe, I'm going to shadow a physician in the upcoming month(s).

  • I have a new biochem professor who I liken to the devil. She is very different from my first professor (who went and had a baby boy) and not in a good way. She's rather Socratic about her teaching style, asking the students lots of questions and expecting responses, which works for liberal arts subjects but not for science. We're not a chatty class, so I don't enjoy wasting time waiting for someone to answer, then having students guess incorrectly, then have Professor #2 pseudo-admonish us for guessing/not-knowing, then she moves on, and then the entire cycle repeats itself. She's going to be a, pardon my French, hard-ass, which sucks because Professor #1 was the most laid-back professor ever. So, all in all, crappy change.
I have more to say, but I feel like this post is text-heavy as it is. I'll save it for another post and try to be as regular about updating as I have been in the past.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Day 685: Failure -- flaw or character building?

At what point does failure stop being character building and start becoming a character flaw?

This is the question going through my mind. After more rejections from schools and life, I wonder if medical school or helping people is really in the cards for me. With rejections left and right from medical schools, including an especially frightening one from the University of Miami -- they "terminated the admissions process with me", it seems evident 2009-2010 was not the application cycle for me. Follow that up with a rejection from a summer camp job I applied for and you can see how I leaped to these conclusions. My obvious distaste for humankind must be seeping through to all facets of my life because what other explanation is there for human disliking me right back?

I am frustrated beyond belief. I wanted this camp job more than anything else lately. It was going to give me some much needed fulfillment and validation. Right now, I am raversing the fine line between routine and rut. I hoped camp would get me out of both (the rut of my routine) and give me something to look forward to. Make me feel like I was making a difference. Instead, they seem to be throwing salt in my wounds to further remind me how inept I am at life.

The rejections from med schools were character building. They showed me that life doesn't work out as planned. Your character is not defined by how well you plan, but by how well you deal with the kinks in your plan. And right now, my life is looking like a protein. Kink-y.

See? Kinky.

So the question remains, at what point does all this failure stop being character building and start being a sign from on-high that whatever I'm doing is not working?