Day 505: Dear Universe, I love you.

I think if ever a perfect day existed, it was yesterday. I'm going to walk you through the day.

I wake up. I slept decently enough. I knew my MCAT scores were coming in today. I checked the AAMC (Asociation of American Medical Colleges) website yesterday (Monday). It said to expect MCAT scores to be reported after 5pm EST. I checked them that morning as a just in case (I would be checking any and every second possible until they came in). Well! Lo and behold! They were in.

...and they were not bad at all. I ran to my parents room, calling their names and I interrupted their tooth-brushing and face-washing to tell them the news. You could see us all sigh a gigantic sigh of relief. Everything they had invested in me, and everything I had worked for, finally came to fruition. I don't know what I believe in, but I couldn't help but thank my lucky stars and the universe and other ethereal bodies.

I go to class. Still on an MCAT-high (double entendre intended). In between class and my lab, I work on secondaries upon secondaries. For lab that day, we go on a field trip! Lots o' hiking. Some nice fresh air.

I meet up with a friend at the gym. Good 5K run. We go shopping. The shirt I wanted to buy (whether I got a good score or not; good score = congratulatory-I-deserve-this reasoning, bad score = I'm-sad-I-deserve-this reasoning) went on sale that day. Whee! (We all know how I love a good sale.) We go to Cheesecake Factory. Where we eat (hummus, a burger, pumpkin pecan cheesecake and alcohol!) and I am happy.

Like I said, if there was ever a perfect day. I think it would have gone like that.

Thanks to all of you who sent good vibes, crossed your fingers and were generally so absurdly supportive. I couldn't have done it without you. Honest to blog.

Day 501: Secondaries galore!

This is a little image I made of the secondaries I have yet to submit. To keep you all in the loop, my test scores come in Tuesday (give or take a day). If they're decent enough, I'll be sending in the secondaries I've currently completed. I have three left to do and I hope to finish them all before my scores come out.

My nerves have been getting to me lately. I know there is nothing I can do about my test scores. They were decided when I chose to have my MCAT scored. Nevertheless, as the date looms, I can't help but become a big fat worry wart.

So, when my scores get in, if they're okay, I'll send my secondaries out. If schools like my primary application and they like what I had to say in my secondary application, then they will offer me an interview. When (yes, when) I rock my interview, they will then inform me (anywhere from two to six weeks) if they will accept me or reject me. Let's hope for the former, shall we?

And the waiting game continues...

Day 472: You're required to love your family right?

You know, it's really my own fault. I have this terrible tendency to be absurdly open with my family, which ultimately leads to personal detriment. My sister often wonders how I can be so open when it just comes back to bite me in the butt. And let me tell you, I get bitten a lot. I often wonder why I haven't learned.

I made the mistake of telling my father my exact first MCAT score. Which led to my father saying things along the lines of "you made a mistake the first time around" and "I would wait to submit your application or else you won't get in anywhere." Which is ironic because he's the one that's oozing with confidence. I'm the one that wants to apply to the University of Nebraska and he's saying I should apply to Harvard or Cornell. I'm not being modest. I'm being motherfricking smart.

Of course, when my father is the dichotomy that he is, both my mother and my sister look at me knowingly. Their eyes say, see, we told you? Why are you so dumb Jessica? Just shut up! You know, I don't have a good response.

New plan. Shut the F up.

Day 472: And then some

I took my MCAT yesterday. I'm quite astounded by how much information I had to know for the MCAT. I'm astounded because they really only tested me on a few select topics. For example, there were no fluids (Physics) questions. And that's quite a chunk of the material one has to know in Physics. I'm sure you can imagine what else they didn't test me on in regards to Chemistry, Biology and Organic. All in all, it went much better than the first go-round and that's all I can ask for. I know my score improved, but by how much, well, we'll just have to see.

I am currently in the process of deciding which schools to apply to. I plan to be as realistic about this as possible. My GPA is decent and I am assuming the lowest MCAT score possible and figuring out which schools to apply to based solely on those two factors. My father is convinced that my liberal arts background will set me apart but I'm not as confident.

It's odd to think this is all happening. My original plan was to take my first MCAT and kick butt and then apply early and be accepted by now. Instead, my plan has been slightly derailed but if I end up at my desired destination (med school), then I guess the journey doesn't matter all that much does it?

I can't decide if I should be hopeful or worried or content. Hopeful that I'll get in with what I've got (my GPA and new-and-improved MCAT score--that will be coming in a month). Worried that I'm applying too late for all these rolling admissions. Or content knowing that I've done everything I can (I'm confident about my personal statement, my activities, et cetera) and it's officially out of my hands when I click "Submit." A lot to process.

Today is my first day of doing nothing and it freaks me out a little. I've been reading (Kurt Vonnegut's "Armageddon in Retrospect") and researching possible medical schools to apply to and that's about it. I just don't know what to do with myself when I'm not studying, haha. It's been a constant state of being, as of late, and I don't know what to do otherwise. Weird, I know.

Day 468: Nearing the big day

My MCAT is in four days. As previously stated, I'm working hard.

I thought it would be important to blog, even though the big day is so close, because my last post was so angry that I didn't think it would be a pleasant last note before the big day.

So, I just finished all my physics homework problems. I have passages to do but 425 physics problems down!

Today is the last day I will be attending my MCAT class. Some of us are going out for a beer (just one!) to say good-bye and good luck and whatnot. This class, I can't say it enough, is really wonderful. Not just because of the great teachers I've had (except for Verbal, which was the biggest waste of my life) but because the class dynamic was really unexpected. We all get along swimmingly and who would have thunk? I mean, it's a class of pre-med (mainly Asian) kids. Those kids are hard-core and can be incredibly unfriendly. Instead, we're all a bunch of random kids who vibe well together and it's really been a worthwhile experience. Also, I think the course in general is what I really needed. I wasn't happy with my first score and I think a lot of it had to do with the improper timing of my first exam, my general state of mind then, and my preparation.

This time, the timing is a little close (my officially ends the day before my exam; my last day is today). However, my attitude has come down off its unrealistically optimistic horse to a sense of healthy realism. I need to maintain the confidence I had at the first test though. This class has made me second-guess myself only in terms of the test questions. Meaning, instead of knowing what I know and sticking to my guns, I start to question myself...well, that was too easy, that can't be right. Which is not the way to do it. I think you really do have to go in there and know what you know and just do it. Plain and simple. No questions, just work with what you have and don't waste time thinking "but maybe." All in all, this class has really prepared me. There were a lot of biology topics I was shaky on (because I've only taken the bare minimum science courses) and this class helped me focus on what exactly I should learn. The class, overall, lives up to its "preparatory" name.

This post turned out to be more reflective than I thought it would. Ain't it always the way?

Day 465: I am so mad I could...

...do something mean. Or bad. Or both.

I went to a make-up MCAT-class. I will not be attending the last class since it is the day before my actual MCAT so I needed to make it up. Well, let me tell you, it was the worst 2.5 hours of my life. The teacher was crude and rude and completely incompetent. I could give care less if you're a post-doc student at Stanford. You're a terrible freaking teacher.

So, today, I am still pissed/annoyed and now I have to relearn the entire lecture. It also doesn't help that he taught me everything incorrectly and now I have to back-track and compare if what he told me agrees with the text (it usually doesn't) and ... UGH! I wish I could express how livid I am. I have less than a week to go and this is the last thing I need -- a ridiculously awkward-wannabe-cool-Asian loser who may be actually be intelligent but it's difficult to see past his vulgar, uninspiring, completely pitiful teaching. As a result, I have to lose precious studying/homework time to relearn the material he so improperly taught.

Day 463: Happy belated birthday...

...to me!

It felt a little like Sixteen Candles except I didn't get the boy at the end. You see, my birthday was spent in my MCAT class. For about eight hours. The MCAT-class-kids were super sweet and they sang me Happy Birthday. My family and I went to The Cheesecake Factory after my class and I proceeded to eat an entire pound of food (thank you Cheesecake Factory Nutritional Guide!). It was excellent. People called and texted me throughout the day which was very sweet. Overall, it wasn't a big deal that I didn't do much for my birthday. I don't really think birthdays (mine anyway) are that big of a deal. I think it's like any other day.

Besides, I have bigger things than my birthday to worry about. Let's talk about my moving teeth. Sometimes, they're all loose-y goose-y and I get freaked out because I have crazy dreams about my teeth falling out. Then I think my worst fears are coming true -- toothless at 22! Also, when they're loose-y goose-y, they hurt.

Oh and my MCAT. I'm taking that sucker next week! I'm stoked. I'm workin' hard to get it together. I remember when I was first signing up for a future MCAT date, and I thought, I want it to be before my birthday so I can have a nice birthday but, to be honest, I don't really think anything big would have happened otherwise. It's kind of nice to have a purpose.

Like I said, just chugging along.

(P.S. I will accept belated birthday posts here and won't judge you if you didn't e-mail/text/call me ;P)

Day 458: I love living at home...

...but it is mad freaking stressful living with your parents and all they ask you is "how was your MCAT prep today?" Usually, it's perfectly bearable. However, as the big day looms, it's not bearable anymore. It is actually aiding and abetting (my stress levels). And last time I checked, that is a crime. Thus, my parents are criminals.

No, I'm totally kidding. It just bothers me how stressed out they get when they don't like how my day went. It gets especially worse when they ask how a practice exam went. I think I know how important the exam is, okay? I certainly don't need anyone reminding me.

So much to learn. And relearn. And review.

Day 450: Meteors, reprieves and fears

To work in backwards-chronological order, there is a meteor shower tonight in the Northern hemisphere and the family and I are staying awake to see it. (I hope we actually see something)

The reprieve I'm speaking of relates to my impending MCAT (and what hasn't related to my impending MCAT lately?). I took a practice exam last Friday (as I have been) and it was a true comfort. I did decently, for once. It was exactly what I needed because after my last post, I was having a minor freakout. I started to obsess over my lack of improvement and then I started to ponder the what-if situations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I entered into a downward spiral of not-being-good-enough and getting stuck in my own head.

Luckily, the reprieve came and it assuaged my fears. The fear is still there, of course. However, now it is staying neatly behind a fence. It's good to be fearful, to a certain extent. The fear, more often than not, is what pushes me forward. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to expectations. Those are pretty healthy fears, right?

P.S. I just checked my grade and I got an A in Calc! Phew! I was a little worried about that one. Whee!

Day 444: The end of Calculus!

My multiple-choice Calculus final was today. It came. It went. It may have conquered. We'll see how it all worked out. Let's all be grateful that it's over though, okay?

Me neither cavemen. Me neither.

For those of you wondering why I'm taking Calculus, all of the in-state California med schools require a year of math (to be comprised of Calculus and Statistics). Thus, high-school-Jessica was lied to. She was convinced she would never take math again after high school. Ha! Big fat lie. Luckily, all I have to take is Statistics and Bio 2 and my life will be set.

Now that Calculus is out of the way, I can focus 110% on my MCAT. Also, I can finally tend to my beleaguered personal statement. You know, I didn't use beleaguered properly at all. I just wanted to use it 'cause it's a pretty word. My personal statement is more along the lines of incomplete, haha. I just need to give it the final few touches (and numerous edits) and off my application goes! Yikes!

Also, why is it raining? This is California. We're all puppies and rainbows and sunshine. Not rain in August.

Day 438: I still hate physics

I'm off to the gym to relieve some MCAT stress. This cartoon is so true. The calculus (which I'm only taking now) is so much more bearable than all this physics crap. You know, on my two diagnostic MCATs thusfar, I have scored dismally low on the Physical Sciences (Physics and General Chemistry). That was my better section on my real MCAT. I think I need to stop avoiding the pain and start really honing my Physics skills.

All the "Physics for Dummies" books (not the actual ones but similar to them) my Dad bought me have obviously done me no good. Physics and I are like the Montagues and the Capulets. And one of us is going to have to die before we solve the feud. ...I'm pulling for Physics to spontaneously combust (which is actually against the Laws of Physics/the Universe). Damn you Physics!

Day 437: Almost free (of calculus anyway)

So, I took my last calculus exam today. The final is next Thursday. The test could go either way so we'll just have to see how it went.

My MCAT class is going well. We all get along well, some more than others. There's a group of clique-y (but not necessarily in a bad way) Stanford kids, then some of the older crowd and then there are the few who don't really socialize at all. All in all, we're a good bunch.

I can't wait for my Calc class to be over so I can dedicate all my time to the MCAT. I really want to dominate it.

You know, while encountering a "Julie and Julia" commercial, I thought to myself, you know Jess. If you want this blog to be more entertaining, you should spice it up. Talk more about your feelings. Or something. So, in that vein, I'm going to try and make reading this more interesting. Less update-feel and more good-feel :)

Good-feel: I really want the MCAT to go my way. I think I want it more for me than I do for medical school. Sure, a strong MCAT score will rock all their socks. However, I need the good score to prove to myself that I can do it. It isn't enough when everyone else thinks I can. I have to know I can. And for those of you that know me, "knowing things" is one of my biggest needs.

So, a shift from feelings to doings, I'm slowly getting more focused on how to attack the MCAT. I'm trying to reconcile my prep course's tips and what works for me. When I try their methods, I get all tripped out. When I do things my way, I keep thinking about doing things their way. It's a fine balance.

Lastly, we're in about week 3 of the course and I'm still a little annoyed at how I keep missing x-number of questions. I think it's because my prep-course peers and teachers make it seem like, eventually, I will only be missing one or two questions per passage. So, in that regard, I'm trying to not think too much about anything and just work with what I have. I think that's it. I'm getting too influenced by the strategies and possibilities that I've lost sight of my original, pre-first-MCAT mentality -- which was to know what I know and rock it out.

Hmm, interesting.

Day 430: The need for seriousness

I took a practice MCAT today. It was my first one in a while and it went fine enough. Not terribly well, but it was good to get back into testing mode. Studying and doing MCAT problems are not the same when you're timed and have to do all this stuff on the spot.

I've realized that I tend not to take the practice tests too seriously. If I just read questions and think a second or two longer, I could produce the right answer. I keep thinking I'll get it all together come the actual MCAT but that's not the proper attitude to have for these things. New game plan, take every question, passage, second, minute, et al as seriously as possible.

Day 421: Have there really been 421 days?

It's a little weird to think that I've been writing in this thing for more than 400 days! I barely sleep that consistently ;)

Anyway, updates!

• My lab cohorts, 9 1/2 and J-Town, and I are so inefficient and ineffective that our boss has separated all of us and placed us with different lab people.
• I have my second (of four) calc tests tomorrow.
• My best friend is home from Ireland for the week! Jubilation!
• I start my MCAT prep class this weekend. -- You know, I was kind of against this class for some reason. However, upon being signed up for it and registering that I'm really taking this class, I'm rather grateful. It'll be nice to have someone teaching me instead of me teaching myself.
• I realized I only need two quarters of calc and one quarter of stats (for a year of math, total) so once I finish this class, I'm done! (With Calc anyway) ...then, all I have to take is stats and Bio 2. Holla!
  

I think that's all really. Oh. There's one more thing. I'm getting braces. Okbye.

Day 406: News, friends and more news

I got my MCAT scores back. I haven't wanted to blog about them but I've had some time to deal with them and I can talk about it now. I am incredibly disappointed in my scores. I am re-taking the MCAT. That's all the MCAT talk we're going to have. I found this picture a while ago and now I can finally use it.

Moving on, my gal-pal Tori left on the 21st and then my friend Zooey (and her girlfriend) came out two days later. They left Sunday, the 28th, and then my beautiful sister turned 20 yesterday! It was great to have all these guests but its nice to just be home now, you know?

Anyway, I have begun a new routine. (And we all know how much I love routines) I am taking a calculus class Monday through Thursday and I am interning at a neurosurgery lab at Stanford. I go directly to that after my calc class. Then I stay 'til whenever. It's a flexible situation, so that's nice. Overall, it's a pretty sweet gig. I just started this all yesterday (the 29th, Monday) so I'm still acclimating myself to both the math and learning research techniques but its getting me back into a schedule...which I like.

Day 374: Movin' on!

Hello everyone,

I apologize for the absurdly large delay between posts but who knew between taking an MCAT (which I wish not to speculate about, however, it went just fine) and working and packing up your life that, well, I wouldn't have time to blog about my life? (Not me.) I have (thusfar) sent home 9 boxes. Another one will probably be sent before I leave.

Anyhoo, what has been up? Well, I went out with some friends the night after my MCAT and had a blast. I've actually made some really incredible friends out here and I'll be really sad to leave them. Not sad enough though :P I can't wait to get back to Cali. I miss dry heat. And Cali sun. And liberal ideas. haha, although, I'm not pleased with the California Supreme Court at the moment.

Here is what's going on over the next few weeks.

• I work this weekend (Saturday and Sunday).
• I check out of my complex and leave for Charlotte-esque on Monday, June 1.
• I fly out to New York on June 2.
• I fly back to Charlotte (with my gal-pal Tori) on June 10.
• I leave for Cali with Tori (meaning, in my car) June 12. I'm trying to decide if I should stay with my friend, Joy, in Arkansas (free housing and most likely free food) for a day. She lives 2 hours off the main highway heading west but it is free housing and food and general relaxation before continuing on Tori and my three-day-12-hours-a-day-driving jaunt.
• Next we're off to New Mexico then to the City of Angels (aka Los Angeles aka the city where Jessica's soul dies). Tori has never been so we're going to check out the sights and maybe go out one night.
• Then, I finally get home. Finally! I can't freaking wait!

Day 365: What a difference a year makes!

Today is my 365th day of this whole journey. It's amazing what can happen in a year.

I wish I had more to say but I'm definitely going to bed to do a whole bunch of nothing tomorrow and then MCAT on Friday. I'll have more to post then (in regards to the exam and life in general) and I'll update you all on what's happening post-MCAT.

So, no talk of luck and stuff please. I'm not taking any MCAT wishes tomorrow. I'm just going to rock it out on Friday.

Day 361: A few events

Let's see, I have a new MCAT schedule.

6am (ish) : Wake up
6:15ish - 7am : Workout
7amish : Shower, prepare for day
8am : Begin MCAT online
1pmish: Complete full MCAT

Afterwards, relax a bit.

After relaxation, get back into MCATing. Review what I did not understand/could not answer. Learn. The whole shebang.

You know, I forgot how long and draining a five-hour exam is. Whew! I was pooped yesterday!

The plan is (for my parents who are ever so pressed about it) to follow this schedule until Wednesday. Thursday (5/21) I'm not doing a darn thing. I'm going to sit around and be lazy. Just get my head on straight.

For those of you who read this and would like to encourage me, please don't. I have heard/read that the day before a big test (of any sort, e.g., LSAT, MCAT, GRE, etc) that there should be no mention of the exam whatsoever. So, please don't wish me luck or ask me how I feel or any of that. I need to get relaxed and mentally ready. Spankyouverymuch.

Friday is the big freaking day. Eep!

Anyway, to inform you of the most recent events in my life:

• Went running with my friend's girlfriend at 6am! That was sweet. Workout buddies truly are key to sticking with it.


• My friend (who has left for home) called me in a drunken stupor last night. That was pretty enjoyable. I was completely amused by it and even though he woke me up from a formidable slumber, it was worth it. He was completely wasted.


• Skype-d with my BFFFH last night, she's the best.


• I'm in a fight with my sister (which is never good)


• The TV I have been watching has finally been taken back by it's owner so now I'm TV-less. Which is fine. Luckily, I got to see my season finales Thursday night before she took it.
  
• ohmygodohmygodohmygod. The Office.
• I'm almost done reading "Pride & Prejudice" (I never read it in high school even though I was supposed to :\) ... I finally get what all the fuss about Jane Austen is about.

Day 359: An update

For the wonderful few of you who have commented and/or emailed and/or been generally grand people, here is what is going on in my life:

Lots and lots of MCAT-ing. Today I calculated that I need to do about 200 questions (at least) per day in some subject or other. I take an online MCAT (a portion of it anyway) everyday. And I just go through as much of these books as possible. I have actually acquired more since I took this picture (a couple of months ago).

I looked into where I'm taking the exam next Friday (!!) and it's a 7 minute drive so I'll try and get there a bit early. I think I'm going to work out that morning so I'm clear headed and have all my stuff ready the night before (food, and that's about it. I don't think I get a pen/pencil.) I am so hyped for this test.

All of you have been incredibly supportive of this journey and it's all coming together next Friday. Thank you for believing in me even when I wasn't believing in much of anything. It means the world to me.

Day 356: The end! Really!

And it's all over. I had an Organic lab final on Saturday (Saturday!) and that was fine. Took my standardized Organic final this morning. I was out of there at 9:50am and I am (essentially) done with my premed requisites! I relaxed today and tomorrow is day 10 until the MCAT. And I am stoked. I am going to kick that test's butt. Forreal. It's going to be sweet.

Anyway, just wanted to share this with you. (I like that it's Asian!)

I'm done!