Day 491: The first day jitters

I had my first day of class yesterday. I am currently taking the third quarter of General Biology. The class went well enough. I was worried the professor was going to be a bit of a nose-grinder (or any related idiom) from the way the syllabus was worded but she seems very sweet and I think the class is going to go well.

I was worried about having to make friends and whatnot because I'm not really into people but I think it's going to be fine.

I'm having a lot of qualms as of late. I wish I knew what was causing them. I went over the list today in my head as I walked to my internship but nothing seemed to engender the same amount of fear I'm currently feeling. It could be the possibility of a bleak MCAT score which would lead to no medical school accepting me. Which would lead me to have to apply next year to improve my whole freaking life. Or it could be the idea of having to do school again. Or maybe its the possibility that I'm not doing enough (I'm just a big part-timer this quarter), just a little bit of everything which doesn't seem to add up to much of anything. Or...the list goes on.

As you can see, it's become quite easy to drown any sanity and confidence in questions and fears. Le sigh.

Day 450: Meteors, reprieves and fears

To work in backwards-chronological order, there is a meteor shower tonight in the Northern hemisphere and the family and I are staying awake to see it. (I hope we actually see something)

The reprieve I'm speaking of relates to my impending MCAT (and what hasn't related to my impending MCAT lately?). I took a practice exam last Friday (as I have been) and it was a true comfort. I did decently, for once. It was exactly what I needed because after my last post, I was having a minor freakout. I started to obsess over my lack of improvement and then I started to ponder the what-if situations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I entered into a downward spiral of not-being-good-enough and getting stuck in my own head.

Luckily, the reprieve came and it assuaged my fears. The fear is still there, of course. However, now it is staying neatly behind a fence. It's good to be fearful, to a certain extent. The fear, more often than not, is what pushes me forward. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to expectations. Those are pretty healthy fears, right?

P.S. I just checked my grade and I got an A in Calc! Phew! I was a little worried about that one. Whee!