Day 1328: News, somethings new and balls.

News: I was rejected (aka not chosen) to be a board member for the Saturday Clinic (for the uninsured) that my school's students run. Oh well. I'm not terribly upset by it but it would have been nice to be chosen.

Something new: I want to do this (see below)

It will force me to blog every day (much to the chagrin of my mother, I'm sure) and let's be real. I'm not studying all 16 hours I'm awake. And of course I will begin this tomorrow (January 9th) since it is a) almost 9pm, b) it is dark outside, c) I am inside at my school library.

More something new: I think it is time to post pictures of myself. Why? Every good, highly-visited blog has pictures of the person on their blog. I have finally accepted the fact that I am not as important or stalk-able as I think I am and I should therefore have my picture up.

More, more something new: I gave a tour of my school on Friday! I showed applicants where everything was (library, student lounge, classrooms, etc) and was terribly myself (aka crazy and probably intense). My friend AO was so funny. She came on the tour with me and was so confused when I was sweet and kind and actually (gasp!) friendly to the applicants. I tried to forewarn them all that medical school is a terrible, horrible thing that everyone should avoid but they weren't interested in that spiel (I wonder why). Overall, the tour was a lot of fun and I hope I see some of those applicants next year!

Balls: I went to a ball (aka dance) last night! I took Bruce/Danny (he wants the world to know who he is!) to the ball and it was ...a decent amount of fun. I wasn't blown away by the ball but it was still fun to be dressed up with friends and classmates. The beginning of picture posts! Two images below!

I actually like all the people (my classmates) in this picture! Shocker!

Me and Danny

Day 964: The end of the second beginning.

I received a rejection (my second!) from UCLA yesterday. When I saw the letter in the pile of mail, I thought, well, finally. Took you long enough. Good thing I wasn't holding my breath for an interview/good news. I have become much more zen and what-will-be-will-be about this year. It certainly helps I have already been accepted to medical school, so a lot of the pressure is off. And honestly, I have grown into the idea of becoming a midwesterner. I have two friends from the area--both of whom have been more than willing to introduce me to their friends still in the area, give me tips on where to live and where to hang out and where to explore, and have both just been real superstars about getting me settled into the town before I move out there.

So, to the remaining rejections I have yet to receive, bring them on. I'm ready for this application cycle to be over and for the next phase of my medical career to begin.

Day 797: A big day

Actually, yesterday was the big day.

I gave my first paper presentation! Luckily it was only to our little lab and not to the entire journal club (lots of labs, lots of big principal investigators/big wigs) -- phew! It was a paper about a certain protein that's secreted when the tissue dies and what it's presence in the blood means for the future of stroke treatment. Blah blah blah. It was a decent paper and a decent presentation. It was tough since I didn't know what half the cytokines (signaling molecules) were, but whatever. I did it!

I was also rejected from my first school yesterday.

They didn't have a secondary so they based it solely on my personal statement and stats. ...I'm not sure what that means. Either way, I'm bummed to be starting off my second round of medical school apps with a rejection, but such is life. As my dad likes to say, "get over it and move on." That's the plan pops, that's the plan.

Hmm, what else? Oh. Yeah. I went from this...

...to this.

I really have to get used to this new smile. I had my old unique one for 20+ years. And I've had this one for a day. It'll take some time to adjust. For all of us. Trust me when I say, I look weird. Different.

Day 762: Showers and letters

I co-hosted a bridal shower yesterday and it went swimmingly. I was quite impressed with how everything went off without a hitch. Except the fact I still have braces. Anyway.

The letter of good standing I needed from NYU has been sent and received by AMCAS. Whee! That's the last of everything I needed and now it's in. Now I wait until schools accept submissions and then the secondaries will (hopefully) come flowing in.

Something amusing. My sister called me last week to inform me I received a letter from Drexel University. I assured her it was a rejection letter, so I had her open it. She opened it and the first words she saw were "wait list" and she proceeded to tell me I had been waitlisted. I assured her this was not the case and had her read the letter (or at least the first paragraph) to get her facts straight. She read it. And she was certainly mistaken. There was no holding of breaths when she told me I was on the waitlist, I just thought it was funny and amusing how poorly worded these rejection letters are. A novice reader of rejection letters, like my sister, would be stuck in grammatical limbo based on how terribly phrased these letters are.

Day 685: Failure -- flaw or character building?

At what point does failure stop being character building and start becoming a character flaw?

This is the question going through my mind. After more rejections from schools and life, I wonder if medical school or helping people is really in the cards for me. With rejections left and right from medical schools, including an especially frightening one from the University of Miami -- they "terminated the admissions process with me", it seems evident 2009-2010 was not the application cycle for me. Follow that up with a rejection from a summer camp job I applied for and you can see how I leaped to these conclusions. My obvious distaste for humankind must be seeping through to all facets of my life because what other explanation is there for human disliking me right back?

I am frustrated beyond belief. I wanted this camp job more than anything else lately. It was going to give me some much needed fulfillment and validation. Right now, I am raversing the fine line between routine and rut. I hoped camp would get me out of both (the rut of my routine) and give me something to look forward to. Make me feel like I was making a difference. Instead, they seem to be throwing salt in my wounds to further remind me how inept I am at life.

The rejections from med schools were character building. They showed me that life doesn't work out as planned. Your character is not defined by how well you plan, but by how well you deal with the kinks in your plan. And right now, my life is looking like a protein. Kink-y.

See? Kinky.

So the question remains, at what point does all this failure stop being character building and start being a sign from on-high that whatever I'm doing is not working?