Day 729: Control issues

These are the many websites I have to deal with.

Applying is a long, draining, annoying process. The things I can control--such as filling in my coursework, writing my personal statement, describing my activities--I have. Things I can't--when my transcripts arrive and getting my recommendations from the recommenders--are what's troubling me. I have done everything on my part to call registrars and remind my recommenders, but ultimately, it's a waiting game. Let me tell you how much I abhor waiting.

Day 726: More shadowing

With the help of my best friend (and her parents), I had the opportunity to shadow a pediatric neurologist. I shadowed him on two occasions. The first was, honestly, a bit boring. It was liking attending a doctor's appoint, except I wasn't the patient. The doctor was still very gracious and kind and the experience was still good overall -- just not what I thought it would be.

The second instance was a better. I mainly shadowed the resident who was super sweet. She talked me through a lot of things and listened to all of my application troubles. The second shadowing was at a degenerative neurological diseases clinic and it was quite sad. Or rather the idea of it. The kids all looked super healthy and like normal kids. Unfortunately, normal won't last very long. Which is just plain depressing to think about.

Overall, the whole experience was fantastic. It gave me more clinical experience, which I think is imperative for my impending applications.

Thank you BFFFH!

Day 719: Classes, Shadows and Recognition

Classes...

...are o-v-e-r! I am officially done taking classes for medical school. I could probably keep taking courses (more advanced ones to a) show I still want to learn, and b) further improve/maintain my GPA) but I'm going to pass.

...in medical school.

I partook in a child psychiatry rotation at a medical school. It was actually pretty interesting. Apparently, students take tests all the time (shocker) in med school and clinical rotations aren't any different. The doctor teaching the course is a friend-of-a-friend and he is crazyawesome. We have similar personalities and beliefs so we chat very comfortably. Chatting with him actually got me back in the mindset to re-apply and sell, sell, sell (me)!

Shadows...

...aren't always creepy. I shadowed said-child-psychiatrist at his place of work and that was fascinating. The children there are all sorts of different and behaviorally...unstable. It wasn't a bad thing. It was really interesting to see how the environment was structured (meaning a lot of structure) because of the lack of structure (and stability) in the children's lives.

Recognition...

...comes when you least expect it. Long story short, my boss at my internship (Dr. Z) has not disdained my presence as of late and actually told a researcher to make sure he put my name on a manuscript! What?! Oh I know. That's how I felt.

Day 718: Apologies

I know, I know. My attempts at blogging regularly have fallen absurdly short.

I also tend to write a lot, which is really boring. People want pictures! Visuals! Ooh! Ahh!

Since I'm a people-pleaser...

This was my life as of late (lots of biochem studying and very recently, med school applications!):

I've also been baking a bit:

Rather than picture-spam you all.  I'm going to leave it there.

A post of substance, coming up soon. Really.

P.S. The belated buns pictures are up.

Day 687: A trend

As I'm sure some of you have noticed, 2010 has not been my year for blogging. A lot of it has to do with my feelings of ineptitude, which really aren't that big of a deal. I want to thank those of you who took the time out to check in with me and make sure I wasn't in terrible shape. I'm not. I just needed to get those feelings out there (in the blogosphere) so they wouldn't be in here (points to my stomach). I have to make room for food, not feelings :P

Anyway, to be more true to the subtitle of this blog, things that are happening that are med-school related...

• Still interning. Lately there has been a lull in my duties, which was fine when I had exams but is currently not-so-fine now that I'm feeling rather useless in my life.
  
  
• With the help of the most amazing best friend in the entire universe, I'm going to shadow a physician in the upcoming month(s).
  
  
• I have a new biochem professor who I liken to the devil. She is very different from my first professor (who went and had a baby boy) and not in a good way. She's rather Socratic about her teaching style, asking the students lots of questions and expecting responses, which works for liberal arts subjects but not for science. We're not a chatty class, so I don't enjoy wasting time waiting for someone to answer, then having students guess incorrectly, then have Professor #2 pseudo-admonish us for guessing/not-knowing, then she moves on, and then the entire cycle repeats itself. She's going to be a, pardon my French, hard-ass, which sucks because Professor #1 was the most laid-back professor ever. So, all in all, crappy change.

I have more to say, but I feel like this post is text-heavy as it is. I'll save it for another post and try to be as regular about updating as I have been in the past.

Day 685: Failure -- flaw or character building?

At what point does failure stop being character building and start becoming a character flaw?

This is the question going through my mind. After more rejections from schools and life, I wonder if medical school or helping people is really in the cards for me. With rejections left and right from medical schools, including an especially frightening one from the University of Miami -- they "terminated the admissions process with me", it seems evident 2009-2010 was not the application cycle for me. Follow that up with a rejection from a summer camp job I applied for and you can see how I leaped to these conclusions. My obvious distaste for humankind must be seeping through to all facets of my life because what other explanation is there for human disliking me right back?

I am frustrated beyond belief. I wanted this camp job more than anything else lately. It was going to give me some much needed fulfillment and validation. Right now, I am raversing the fine line between routine and rut. I hoped camp would get me out of both (the rut of my routine) and give me something to look forward to. Make me feel like I was making a difference. Instead, they seem to be throwing salt in my wounds to further remind me how inept I am at life.

The rejections from med schools were character building. They showed me that life doesn't work out as planned. Your character is not defined by how well you plan, but by how well you deal with the kinks in your plan. And right now, my life is looking like a protein. Kink-y.

See? Kinky.

So the question remains, at what point does all this failure stop being character building and start being a sign from on-high that whatever I'm doing is not working?

Day 666: Mixing luck with the devil

How ironic that the day I get my blogging act together, it happens to be Day 666 of this blog, but also St. Patrick's Day. You've got to love the irony.

Okay, a lot of things have happened since Day 631. My intellectually stunning friend Nicki stopped on by my coast and we spent a lovely week together. We were very low-key about everything but it was still time well-spent. She got to meet my friends, the whole quirkily fabulous lot of them, and hang out with my family (always a hoot). She's absurdly impressive and I can't say enough positive things about her.

Let's see, there has been some pseudo-drama at the lab. My boss was throwing blame everywhere for the most random things. All of which was completely unwarranted but he's the boss so we all kept our mouths shut.

Fun fact: One random day, my boss decided that I am suddenly a capable human being and decided to tell the lab so. We were at a lab meeting and when one of the researchers/post-docs had a lot on his plate, he asked him, "Well, why don't you use Jessica? She can do these things for you." ...I can? Last time I checked, you thought I was an incompetent twit and now I'm capable? My, my. My boss is as flighty as a baby bird in flight.

So, now I'm trying to get my act together. I had a phone interview today for a job I really, really, really want. My friend MK told me my over-expression of wanting to join said-organization may have made me come off as desperate. And I retorted, "Well, how bad is desperation for wanting to work there? It shows I want to be there." To be frank (and you can be George), the interview seemed all right throughout, but after I hung up, I got this nagging feeling that it didn't go my way. It's just a feeling, but I was hoping for good-job-yay-me feelings. Not, huh-I-wonder-if-that-could-have-gone-better feelings. Oh well. I had nothing to lose applying so I'll cross my fingers and toes.

Lastly, I'm baking these days. A ton of stuff. On the agenda tonight is poppy seed lemon cake. I've made croissants (and failed, they ended up tasting like Chinese pancakes rather than croissants). I've made steamed buns and pork-filled steam buns. I've decided if med school doesn't go my way, I'm going to figure out how to open a bakery. You think I jest, but I'm speaking frankly George.

My buns