Psych on Tuesday was somewhat of a complete hydrogen bomb of badness. I went in, made a bunch of educated guesses, and when my score popped up after the exam, I swear to you, I had to hold in a yelp of disbelief. I have no idea where I went so wrong. ...let me back up. I only studied the 7 lectures of psych on Monday since I had more important things to study for (neuro pathology on Wednesday). So, my grade is completely justified. However, that score stressed me out beyond belief. It also pissed me off to no end. Therefore, I used those two emotions to study my butt off for neuro-path the next day.
The next day, Wednesday, 9 am, neuro-path. For those of you that have memories like elephants, neuroscience was a subject I took last spring semester (aka this time last year). I failed my first exam. It was pretty debilitating and it was probably the umpteenth time my sister/mother heard me bawl on the phone about my apparent lack of intelligence and self-defeating doubt concerning my place in medical school. Well, I got my act extremely together that semester and ended neuroscience with a solid pass. Back to pathology, that test was a mind-swirl. I was between 2-3 answers (out of 5) on about 15 questions. I thought it out, wrote a bunch of stuff out and made educated guesses. Since we all saw how well that turned out on psych the previous day, you can imagine my stress levels going through the roof. Well, I got a 92 on that exam.
I should be cheering. Instead, I am blogging, trying to figure out why I can't revel in that obvious win. Did psych really screw with my mind that bad that I can't even believe in my abilities? I have been so screwed up the past few weeks. Family life is stressful. (Apparently both of my parents think all I do is nothing but have tons of fun, and they chastize me for it. If only I could physically demonstrate and properly verbalize the amount I study/my stress levels to them. Then maybe they would leave me the hell alone, or I don't know, believe in me.) My sister is the only sane one left. I am constantly, overwhelmingly stressed out by the prospect of boards every waking second. I have a lot on my mind all the time and I have a lot of negative energy and bad ju-ju I need to let go of. I want to do urology so bad. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life.
Speaking of urology, I shadowed the residency director here at school after my exam and it was jaw-droppingly amazing. He created a new bladder. Ta-da! The patient had bladder cancer so the cancer doc took out the bladder, and the urology doc created a new one from the small intestine. Then he inserted the ureters and urethra and ta-da, a new bladder was born. It felt a lot of sewing/seamstress-ing which we all know I do a lot of. It was so freaking cool. I nearly fell off my step-stool at how much fun it was, and I was only watching. Can you tell I am in love with this specialty? (I know, I know, I owe you all a "why urology?" post. Coming soon. I promise/hope.)
Hopefully this post compensates for my utter lack of posting in February thus far. I keep promising pictures, but I truly promise that my next post will be pictures. There is nothing I hate more than broken promises.