Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Day 3227: Ups and Downs

Hey all, I am writing today to discuss the ups and downs of the Match.

I am, as we all know, a little emotionally unstable (read: a lot unstable). My moods go crazy in times of stress and the Match is about as stressful a time as any. Everyday I waver between "I would be thrilled to be at any of my top three programs" and "I am not going to get my first choice and I don't know how I feel about actually getting my top three." And then there are the other thoughts like, "WHAT IF I DON'T MATCH?" "WHAT IF I DON'T GET MY TOP THREE?" "WHAT IF NOBODY LOVES ME?" The last one isn't necessarily Match-specific, but it's still applicable to the Match, haha.

Anyway, most days, I'm fine. Most days, I can talk myself in to being calm about the process. I remind myself that the Match places me where I am supposed to be. It doesn't feel like that sometimes, but I know that it's true. I just have to remember that it's true. But some days, Danny and I fight because I am so up-and-down and he doesn't know why I am suddenly depressed as all get out and we fight and we're always fine in the end but it's all due to me and my emotional instability.

Just wanted to keep you all apprised on my current emotional state. Level orange. Unstable.