Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Day 2928: Life is not ideal.

Sometimes you stay later than you should, or have too much to do when you need more time, or have too little to do when time is the last thing you want to have. I have been trying, every day, to acknowledge this stress, anger, sadness, disappointment, whatever it may be that day and recognize it is okay to feel this way. Life is not ideal. I am never going to get everything I want. Nor should I. Getting everything you want makes you that person. The spoiled one. The one who throws money at problems and actually "fixes" them. It's the struggles and hard times that make life worthwhile. You learn more about life, and more importantly, you learn more about yourself.

So, here's to emotions. To the stress of having to do well on boards in two months. To my anger about situations and people I cannot control. To the sadness of important (or what I thought was important) relationships changing, ending even. To disappointment in people that should never let you down. Whatever it is, I am reveling in the emotion and letting it go. I am a naturally angry person and I don't want to be that way anymore. I'm still going to be the snarky, judgmental woman who has no filter that you all love and adore. But I'm not going to be so angry, so vitriolic, so hateful. It's not a good place to be and I can't love all of me if I'm finding a way to hate you.