Sunday, March 31, 2013

Day 2236: Stress and rising


Rising: Jesus, apparently. Happy Easter! No, nothing fun for me. I was invited to Danny's family's Easter celebration but I am perpetually stressed so I couldn't quell the never-ending possibilities of failure and stress and all its relatives muster up the wherewithal to go. 

I wish I had more to report. Nicki and I got to hang out again which was absolutely wonderful. It's so good to catch up with her, however few and far between it is for us. How crazy is it to think we've known each other almost eight years? And how ironic and funny is it that I have somehow taken on every aspect of her old life in Milwaukee? She's okay with it, so I am too.

I have been listening to "Clair de Lune" on repeat for the past few days. Easy listening and hopefully some brain cells are getting fired up and keeping some of this absurd amount of information in my head.

The weather has been picking up lately, hello high 40s/low 50s, so Danny and I have enjoyed some outdoor runs these past few days. It's amazing a) how fast that ex-fat-boy runs, and b) how much I hate running and I still do it, haha.

I have discovered the beauties of wine (aka merlot and pinor noir aka the chump/intro wines) and am somewhat obsessed. I drink 1 serving (5 ounces) a night and kind of not-so-secretly love it. I wonder if I am trying to dull my stress. (It isn't working.)

I have decided I actually want to participate in things so I ran for some student assembly positions (I assume I will not win) and I'm attending this delegates/Wisconsin Medical Society thing in a few weekends. It's been meetings galore lately which is good (I'm actually involved in something) and bad (I lose even more time that I could be studying).

I WANT THESE NEXT THREE MONTHS TO BE OVER. The stress is unbearable. I am interminably behind in every aspect of my life -- school, friends, family. I want to die. Writing out this stress has not alleviated it in any way and is actually reminding me how much I should be learning. Don't go to medical school. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. Second to almost-being-a-vegetarian-that-one-day, and even that was done in a day.

Sigh. It gets better right?