Day 463: Happy belated birthday...

...to me!

It felt a little like Sixteen Candles except I didn't get the boy at the end. You see, my birthday was spent in my MCAT class. For about eight hours. The MCAT-class-kids were super sweet and they sang me Happy Birthday. My family and I went to The Cheesecake Factory after my class and I proceeded to eat an entire pound of food (thank you Cheesecake Factory Nutritional Guide!). It was excellent. People called and texted me throughout the day which was very sweet. Overall, it wasn't a big deal that I didn't do much for my birthday. I don't really think birthdays (mine anyway) are that big of a deal. I think it's like any other day.

Besides, I have bigger things than my birthday to worry about. Let's talk about my moving teeth. Sometimes, they're all loose-y goose-y and I get freaked out because I have crazy dreams about my teeth falling out. Then I think my worst fears are coming true -- toothless at 22! Also, when they're loose-y goose-y, they hurt.

Oh and my MCAT. I'm taking that sucker next week! I'm stoked. I'm workin' hard to get it together. I remember when I was first signing up for a future MCAT date, and I thought, I want it to be before my birthday so I can have a nice birthday but, to be honest, I don't really think anything big would have happened otherwise. It's kind of nice to have a purpose.

Like I said, just chugging along.

(P.S. I will accept belated birthday posts here and won't judge you if you didn't e-mail/text/call me ;P)

Day 458: I love living at home...

...but it is mad freaking stressful living with your parents and all they ask you is "how was your MCAT prep today?" Usually, it's perfectly bearable. However, as the big day looms, it's not bearable anymore. It is actually aiding and abetting (my stress levels). And last time I checked, that is a crime. Thus, my parents are criminals.

No, I'm totally kidding. It just bothers me how stressed out they get when they don't like how my day went. It gets especially worse when they ask how a practice exam went. I think I know how important the exam is, okay? I certainly don't need anyone reminding me.

So much to learn. And relearn. And review.

Day 450: Meteors, reprieves and fears

To work in backwards-chronological order, there is a meteor shower tonight in the Northern hemisphere and the family and I are staying awake to see it. (I hope we actually see something)

The reprieve I'm speaking of relates to my impending MCAT (and what hasn't related to my impending MCAT lately?). I took a practice exam last Friday (as I have been) and it was a true comfort. I did decently, for once. It was exactly what I needed because after my last post, I was having a minor freakout. I started to obsess over my lack of improvement and then I started to ponder the what-if situations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I entered into a downward spiral of not-being-good-enough and getting stuck in my own head.

Luckily, the reprieve came and it assuaged my fears. The fear is still there, of course. However, now it is staying neatly behind a fence. It's good to be fearful, to a certain extent. The fear, more often than not, is what pushes me forward. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to expectations. Those are pretty healthy fears, right?

P.S. I just checked my grade and I got an A in Calc! Phew! I was a little worried about that one. Whee!

Day 444: The end of Calculus!

My multiple-choice Calculus final was today. It came. It went. It may have conquered. We'll see how it all worked out. Let's all be grateful that it's over though, okay?

Me neither cavemen. Me neither.

For those of you wondering why I'm taking Calculus, all of the in-state California med schools require a year of math (to be comprised of Calculus and Statistics). Thus, high-school-Jessica was lied to. She was convinced she would never take math again after high school. Ha! Big fat lie. Luckily, all I have to take is Statistics and Bio 2 and my life will be set.

Now that Calculus is out of the way, I can focus 110% on my MCAT. Also, I can finally tend to my beleaguered personal statement. You know, I didn't use beleaguered properly at all. I just wanted to use it 'cause it's a pretty word. My personal statement is more along the lines of incomplete, haha. I just need to give it the final few touches (and numerous edits) and off my application goes! Yikes!

Also, why is it raining? This is California. We're all puppies and rainbows and sunshine. Not rain in August.

Day 438: I still hate physics

I'm off to the gym to relieve some MCAT stress. This cartoon is so true. The calculus (which I'm only taking now) is so much more bearable than all this physics crap. You know, on my two diagnostic MCATs thusfar, I have scored dismally low on the Physical Sciences (Physics and General Chemistry). That was my better section on my real MCAT. I think I need to stop avoiding the pain and start really honing my Physics skills.

All the "Physics for Dummies" books (not the actual ones but similar to them) my Dad bought me have obviously done me no good. Physics and I are like the Montagues and the Capulets. And one of us is going to have to die before we solve the feud. ...I'm pulling for Physics to spontaneously combust (which is actually against the Laws of Physics/the Universe). Damn you Physics!

Day 437: Almost free (of calculus anyway)

So, I took my last calculus exam today. The final is next Thursday. The test could go either way so we'll just have to see how it went.

My MCAT class is going well. We all get along well, some more than others. There's a group of clique-y (but not necessarily in a bad way) Stanford kids, then some of the older crowd and then there are the few who don't really socialize at all. All in all, we're a good bunch.

I can't wait for my Calc class to be over so I can dedicate all my time to the MCAT. I really want to dominate it.

You know, while encountering a "Julie and Julia" commercial, I thought to myself, you know Jess. If you want this blog to be more entertaining, you should spice it up. Talk more about your feelings. Or something. So, in that vein, I'm going to try and make reading this more interesting. Less update-feel and more good-feel :)

Good-feel: I really want the MCAT to go my way. I think I want it more for me than I do for medical school. Sure, a strong MCAT score will rock all their socks. However, I need the good score to prove to myself that I can do it. It isn't enough when everyone else thinks I can. I have to know I can. And for those of you that know me, "knowing things" is one of my biggest needs.

So, a shift from feelings to doings, I'm slowly getting more focused on how to attack the MCAT. I'm trying to reconcile my prep course's tips and what works for me. When I try their methods, I get all tripped out. When I do things my way, I keep thinking about doing things their way. It's a fine balance.

Lastly, we're in about week 3 of the course and I'm still a little annoyed at how I keep missing x-number of questions. I think it's because my prep-course peers and teachers make it seem like, eventually, I will only be missing one or two questions per passage. So, in that regard, I'm trying to not think too much about anything and just work with what I have. I think that's it. I'm getting too influenced by the strategies and possibilities that I've lost sight of my original, pre-first-MCAT mentality -- which was to know what I know and rock it out.

Hmm, interesting.

Day 430: The need for seriousness

I took a practice MCAT today. It was my first one in a while and it went fine enough. Not terribly well, but it was good to get back into testing mode. Studying and doing MCAT problems are not the same when you're timed and have to do all this stuff on the spot.

I've realized that I tend not to take the practice tests too seriously. If I just read questions and think a second or two longer, I could produce the right answer. I keep thinking I'll get it all together come the actual MCAT but that's not the proper attitude to have for these things. New game plan, take every question, passage, second, minute, et al as seriously as possible.