Day 450: Meteors, reprieves and fears

To work in backwards-chronological order, there is a meteor shower tonight in the Northern hemisphere and the family and I are staying awake to see it. (I hope we actually see something)

The reprieve I'm speaking of relates to my impending MCAT (and what hasn't related to my impending MCAT lately?). I took a practice exam last Friday (as I have been) and it was a true comfort. I did decently, for once. It was exactly what I needed because after my last post, I was having a minor freakout. I started to obsess over my lack of improvement and then I started to ponder the what-if situations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I entered into a downward spiral of not-being-good-enough and getting stuck in my own head.

Luckily, the reprieve came and it assuaged my fears. The fear is still there, of course. However, now it is staying neatly behind a fence. It's good to be fearful, to a certain extent. The fear, more often than not, is what pushes me forward. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to expectations. Those are pretty healthy fears, right?

P.S. I just checked my grade and I got an A in Calc! Phew! I was a little worried about that one. Whee!

Day 444: The end of Calculus!

My multiple-choice Calculus final was today. It came. It went. It may have conquered. We'll see how it all worked out. Let's all be grateful that it's over though, okay?

Me neither cavemen. Me neither.

For those of you wondering why I'm taking Calculus, all of the in-state California med schools require a year of math (to be comprised of Calculus and Statistics). Thus, high-school-Jessica was lied to. She was convinced she would never take math again after high school. Ha! Big fat lie. Luckily, all I have to take is Statistics and Bio 2 and my life will be set.

Now that Calculus is out of the way, I can focus 110% on my MCAT. Also, I can finally tend to my beleaguered personal statement. You know, I didn't use beleaguered properly at all. I just wanted to use it 'cause it's a pretty word. My personal statement is more along the lines of incomplete, haha. I just need to give it the final few touches (and numerous edits) and off my application goes! Yikes!

Also, why is it raining? This is California. We're all puppies and rainbows and sunshine. Not rain in August.

Day 437: Almost free (of calculus anyway)

So, I took my last calculus exam today. The final is next Thursday. The test could go either way so we'll just have to see how it went.

My MCAT class is going well. We all get along well, some more than others. There's a group of clique-y (but not necessarily in a bad way) Stanford kids, then some of the older crowd and then there are the few who don't really socialize at all. All in all, we're a good bunch.

I can't wait for my Calc class to be over so I can dedicate all my time to the MCAT. I really want to dominate it.

You know, while encountering a "Julie and Julia" commercial, I thought to myself, you know Jess. If you want this blog to be more entertaining, you should spice it up. Talk more about your feelings. Or something. So, in that vein, I'm going to try and make reading this more interesting. Less update-feel and more good-feel :)

Good-feel: I really want the MCAT to go my way. I think I want it more for me than I do for medical school. Sure, a strong MCAT score will rock all their socks. However, I need the good score to prove to myself that I can do it. It isn't enough when everyone else thinks I can. I have to know I can. And for those of you that know me, "knowing things" is one of my biggest needs.

So, a shift from feelings to doings, I'm slowly getting more focused on how to attack the MCAT. I'm trying to reconcile my prep course's tips and what works for me. When I try their methods, I get all tripped out. When I do things my way, I keep thinking about doing things their way. It's a fine balance.

Lastly, we're in about week 3 of the course and I'm still a little annoyed at how I keep missing x-number of questions. I think it's because my prep-course peers and teachers make it seem like, eventually, I will only be missing one or two questions per passage. So, in that regard, I'm trying to not think too much about anything and just work with what I have. I think that's it. I'm getting too influenced by the strategies and possibilities that I've lost sight of my original, pre-first-MCAT mentality -- which was to know what I know and rock it out.

Hmm, interesting.

Day 429: Lots of changes!

It seems my work load has grown exponentially. No, seriously. I started my new MCAT prep course this weekend and I have enough books to knock someone out. Lots of passages and questions and reading. I am taking calculus concurrently and after a shameful/dismal/depressing/shockingly bad grade on Exam 2, I decided something had to give. And what gave? My internship.

Dr. Z was incredibly understanding about giving me some time off to focus on my calculus class and impending MCAT.

Oh, and I got these puppies.

Doesn't this remind you of awkward teenage-dom?

I think I look sincerely like a twelve-year old. I also think I look horrendous. In spite of this, I kind of like them. I like the idea that change is happening. Since my teeth are quite tender at the moment, change is quite apparent (to me anyway). Also, I never realized how unpleasantly crooked and discombobulated my teeth were until they put the braces on.

So, to keep everything straight, I'm on a hiatus from my internship. Instead of running Western blots, I am doing lots and lots of math and MCAT homework. I got braces yesterday (Wednesday).

That is all.

Day 421: Have there really been 421 days?

It's a little weird to think that I've been writing in this thing for more than 400 days! I barely sleep that consistently ;)

Anyway, updates!

• My lab cohorts, 9 1/2 and J-Town, and I are so inefficient and ineffective that our boss has separated all of us and placed us with different lab people.
• I have my second (of four) calc tests tomorrow.
• My best friend is home from Ireland for the week! Jubilation!
• I start my MCAT prep class this weekend. -- You know, I was kind of against this class for some reason. However, upon being signed up for it and registering that I'm really taking this class, I'm rather grateful. It'll be nice to have someone teaching me instead of me teaching myself.
• I realized I only need two quarters of calc and one quarter of stats (for a year of math, total) so once I finish this class, I'm done! (With Calc anyway) ...then, all I have to take is stats and Bio 2. Holla!
  

I think that's all really. Oh. There's one more thing. I'm getting braces. Okbye.

Day 410: Happy Independence Day!

Hello my fellow Americans! Happy Fourth of July! Fun question, does England have a Fourth of July?

Moving on, I hope you're all enjoying your freedoms and liberties and all that other mumbo-jumbo that's expoused in our Declaration of Independence :)

This is the first (sort-of) week of my new routine and it's gone quite well. I figured out where to park at Stanford (after receiving a lovely parking ticket from the university, thanks Stanford) for my new internship. Since I see the internship people at least five hours a day, I've already developed small rapports with each of the people there. I've been learning about the research they do and I had the opportunity to guillotine a rat's head the other day (vive la France!) We cut off its head in order to slice its brain to see the effects of our experiment. Too gory? I'll move on.

My calc class is moving at a decent pace. I was worried it would pick up where things left off, and it has in some ways, but it's done so in a way that I can certainly manage. My first test is this upcoming Thursday. I have a test every Thursday (four total) and then the last one will be a final. The professor seems fair enough and he makes cute academia/nerd jokes that amuse me.

Aside from that, my best friend comes home Wednesday (wee!), I need to start working out again (sooner rather than later) and I also need to get my personal statement together. Things to do, things to do.

Day 138: Some new ideas

I've been thinking that since the love of my life Joy will not be here next year (fingers crossed she'll be at pharmacy school back home) and North Carolina is by no means home, I'm thinking about going home after I'm done this year. Granted, that was intentionally the plan but then I made friends and realized I'd sort of established myself here and blah blah blah. Then I realized my friends are only so-so (the norm, discovering flaws in people after you've hung out with them so much) and my sister's pretty convinced that this place is not good for my soul (she may or may not be correct in that assumption).

The old plan: Stay here. Take calculus over the summer OR (maybe) apply to this "Medical Education Development Program" at UNC-Chapel Hill (basically a program where I take med school courses before I actually get in to medical school). Take cool courses like biochemistry and physiology to further my science aptitude and impress med schools. I would have already established myself -- with the school, with a hospital where I volunteer, etc. Post-bacc friends are here! (Some will leave but most of them will still be here.) Live with Chris (as was the plan) -- and may a somewhat small rent.

The "new" plan: Go home. If I don't do the MedEd (my own little shortening :D) program, then I will have taken calculus so I can scratch that sucker off. Enroll in a local state school where I will take biochemistry and physiology to further my science aptitude. I need to look more into it but maybe I could take it at the Berkeley extension which will certainly impress schools more than UNCG (let's be honest). Be with my family. Be much closer to my sister. Be with other, non-post-bacc friends. Not pay rent. Save more money. Be closer to schools I'm applying to (read: in-state).

As it looks, I'm leaning towards this new plan (hence the more prevalent pros) but it's still in the works.

Any thoughts?