Day 2405: My first grade of the year!

Okay. It's time for some honesty here Team Jess. Today, I received my first grade of my third year. And. It was good. So good, that I didn't even know what the letter meant when I received it (because apparently that's how little I do well in med school haha).

Background: My med school doesn't give As, Bs, or Cs. It gives Honors, High Pass, Pass. (So the same thing essentially.)

This is what I saw this afternoon:

What does this mean? Honors! High pass! THEY BOTH START WITH H!!! (Wheels turn in my brain. Wheels still turning. ...still turning (I am actually this slow people)) I THINK THIS IS AN HONORS!!! (back flip, forward flip, and now I am suddenly Ariel from Little Mermaid twirling through the ocean)

Then, four hours later, while texting a classmate, he informed me that they actually break down the grade for us. And, all you, my pretties, have to know is that I was on the low end of honors but I am pretty sure an honors is still an honors! Suckers!

In addition, we also got feedback. Here was mine:

Jessica was very self directed and was an obvious leader among her classmates. She always made herself available to see patients, participate in deliveries and surgeries. She demonstrated an increase in her knowledge base throughout the clerkship. She sought feedback and, importantly, listened to the feedback. Her questions reflected good insight into the topics at hand.

Very pleasant, enthusiastic, hard working smart student.

Look here Team Jess. I like myself. I think I'm pretty a-okay. Would I call myself a leader? Uh, no. I just ask questions that no one else wants to ask, because for lack of a better way to describe it, I don't really care how it reflects on me. Which makes me sound all James-Dean-too-cool-for-school, but all it really means is I don't care if I look dumb. My Dad told me this when I was in high school and it has always stuck with me. "Don't ever feel afraid to ask questions. How else are you going to learn things?" So. Here I am. On my clinical rotations, asking (probably dumb) questions, but how else am I going to learn? Apparently asking (dumb) questions is a pro on the clerkships.

Starting off the year strong! It's nice to know that what I was doing was (kind of/essentially) working. I have been so freaked out this past month because, at this point, I have gone through two clerkships and, until today, received zero grades. I could be passing or I could be honoring and not know it! I need to be getting honors, people! Luckily this fear has led me to study way more for my current psych clerkship (whose exam I heard is very nitpicky so I will be all ready in two weeks for those pesky details) and hopefully will motivate me to do well in all my future clerkships.

I have more stuff to blog about so look for it in the near future! Until then, friends ...yay me! ;)

Day 737: Biochemistry grade

I forgot to mention that I received my grades for my Biochem course. It all felt very high-school-like.

The grade came in a carbon-copy sheet of paper with my name and grade on it. I was a little concerned while tearing the perforated edges that my calculations of my total points, etc, etc, was incorrect and I would have been plucked. Luckily, no such thing occured and I passed! A miracle given my craptastic teacher the last half of the semester!

Day 574: The healing power of grades

Ha! Except not.

I happened to check my grades today and they came out and I did fine. Luckily. I won't lie. I wasn't super-fantastic at the final but I appear to have done well enough to keep my GPA up...ish. All in all, I'm glad I'm just about done with my requirements. I'm taking an online statistics course next quarter as well as this random Biochemistry course through UC Extension. It's expensive as heck but I think it'll be good to get my "smart"-juices going again.

I am back at my internship today...we're not doing much, unfortunately. A post-doc wanted me to help him with Western blots so that's really the main reason I came back. I would much rather be hanging with my best friend who's back from law school but I thought it was important to put in some (chubby) face-time. Especially since I was out for a week.

Anyhoo, that's all the news for now.

Day 450: Meteors, reprieves and fears

To work in backwards-chronological order, there is a meteor shower tonight in the Northern hemisphere and the family and I are staying awake to see it. (I hope we actually see something)

The reprieve I'm speaking of relates to my impending MCAT (and what hasn't related to my impending MCAT lately?). I took a practice exam last Friday (as I have been) and it was a true comfort. I did decently, for once. It was exactly what I needed because after my last post, I was having a minor freakout. I started to obsess over my lack of improvement and then I started to ponder the what-if situations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, I entered into a downward spiral of not-being-good-enough and getting stuck in my own head.

Luckily, the reprieve came and it assuaged my fears. The fear is still there, of course. However, now it is staying neatly behind a fence. It's good to be fearful, to a certain extent. The fear, more often than not, is what pushes me forward. The fear of failure and the fear of not living up to expectations. Those are pretty healthy fears, right?

P.S. I just checked my grade and I got an A in Calc! Phew! I was a little worried about that one. Whee!

Day 357: Twice in one day, I know.

Now onto school-related business, I barely passed Physics (it seems) and I am incredibly grateful. I really hate physics. Hence, it is the subject I'm going to focus on for the MCAT. My Physics grade is by far my weakest/lowest grade so I need to rock Physical Sciences on the MCAT to prove that I know this stuff (even if I only sort of do ;P).

Anyway, I ranked in the top 10 for my Physiology class (out of about 200 people).

It's sweet, but it could have been sweeter if I was in the top 5 like my friend. And we compete. In Physics and Physiology (the classes we have together) and I'm pretty sure he beat me in both. Which is lame. Whatever. I'm going to revel in this top 10 ranking and passing Physics.

I should be more worried (or at all?) about my Organic grade. I'm not. The standardized final was not as bad as I thought and I don't know. I would have had to uber-screw up the final to not pass so I'm just kind of winging that grade.

Edited to add: Totally passed Organic II! Just waiting on Physics II and Organic lab grades.

Day 353: One down, two to go!

Two more finals people.

Physio was tough this morning but I'm tight with one of my professors and she "expected a high grade" from me so that was very sweet. She believes in my abilities, how kind. And she's super on point. My final was at 8am this morning. Final grades were posted around 2pm. Passed the class, so I'm happy.

Organic lab final tomorrow (on a Saturday, I know), a friend's birthday party, Organic final on Monday and I am done-zo! I will hopefully be hanging out with Joy at some point. Anyway, I have decided to give myself Monday to chillax (and some of Tuesday) and then I am studying hardcore for the MCAT. I am totally going to 47 the MCAT. (It's out of 45 but I'm going to rock it so hard they're going to have to give me two extra points :P)

I'm off to bed (because Organic lab techniques are boring as heck!) but I'll catch you all on the flip side.

Day 219: Updates and registration

Updates, I rocked my Organic Chemistry class. Rocked it. I hope you're all deathly afraid of my newfound (possibly latent) intelligence.

Registration, I just registered for the MCAT (the standardized test that all pre-medical students have to take -- think of it as the SAT for med school). This is all really happening. Holy freaking cow.

That is all. Vacation has been good to me but I could be studying/working out more. Meh. What's the point of vacation if you can't enjoy yourself a little?

Day 207: I win!

Muahaha suck on that science!

I passed my Biology and somehow managed to pass my Physics class? Granted, I freaking deserved it after studying my butt off for the final. All I have is my Organic final on Monday and I'm not even going to lie, I am not stressed at all. Everyone else seems quite stressed and unwell and I'm kind of excited. Even after our review session today, I'm still feeling a-okay. He's writing a 2-and-1/2-hour final for our three hour final period and I don't know. I'm excited about it...and still not worried.

I think this complacency (for once) has nothing to do with wanting to go home but with knowing that everything I'm doing is review. Unlike most of my class, I am not learning things for the first time. It's pure review. It's actually pretty sweet.

What kind of nerd says she loves Organic Chemistry and is not stressed-or-pressed about it? (Me!)

Day 148: Test results, part two

It's official. We have entered the Twilight Zone.

My friend Chris did better than me. By two points. That is completely absurd. I wish I could explain how much more innately intelligent I am than he...among other things. And I say that sincerely. Everything about today is completely off.

To begin, our Organic professor decided to leave the exams in front of his office for students to pick up. Great. Instead of getting all grabby with other students, I decided to wait until the rush passed and I would get it later. When I get up there, my exam is gone. Gone. Someone took it? I thought maybe Chris got it for me but when I saw him later he said he didn't. Well, I tell my professor that it's not there and he proceeds to 1) tell me my score (with a "good job") and 2) send out a mass e-mail about my exam. Goody.

I find out later that my friend in my Physics lab decided to get my exam for me since she knew she'd see me later that day (in said Physics lab). Uh, great? At least I got my exam. I went through it to see my mistakes and they don't seem to be anything I could really try and get any points back for. Let me tell you, at this point, my day has gone completely to hell.

Chris does not do better than me. In this universe, a parallel one or even an alternate one. It just doesn't happen. My ego is bruised, my life has no meaning and I'm in complete shambles. (Only a mild exaggeration)

I can't wait to go to New York. It'll just clear my head of all this stupid BS that is school and my life in North Carolina. Too bad I have to study for my Biology exam right now. I have been. And I will continue to do so throughout the probably-not-s0-scintillating debate tonight.

I am so not with-it right now, I can't even tell you. FUDGESICLES.

Day 131: An Update

I'm feeling fine now. Nothing to worry about. Just a weird funk that I'm working my way out of but it's nothing ice cream/cheeseburgers/general goodness can't fix.

I got an A on my Physics test (phew!). I was worried I wouldn't see has how I taught myself but we're good.

Lots of Biology today. And that is all.

Day 119: The first Biology exam

I just took my Biology exam. It could have gone better. And I could have done better. She posted the answers to the exams right after class and I reiterate, I could have done better. I got an A, which was fine. But I was shooting for an A+. I think I walked in too overconfident and some of the questions were a little tricky. What it really boils down to is my annoyance at having made stupid mistakes. I really hate those. Ugh.

And of course I'm a little shaken by how low my A is so I can't focus on physics right now. Which is what I really need to be doing. And then my Organic exam is this Friday and I also need to get my game-face on for that.

You know what it is? I'm so used to acing Chem II exams and just kicking ass that not super-acing them throws me off. I need to just suck it up, shake it off and move on. Onto Physics!

Day 080: Final grades and some good news?

The registrar is being weird and not showing me my GPA or any earned credit so I'm going to call them today to sort it all out.

I passed Chem 2 and Chem 2 lab so that's always a plus. I celebrated by shopping like crazy and I think I deserve it :)

Anyway, my professor from Chem 2 asked me to be his SIP leader in the fall. Here's the little schpiel on the school website:

The Supplemental Instruction Program (SIP) is a series of weekly discussion/ review sessions for students taking historically difficult courses. SIP is available for all students enrolled in specific course sections. SIP sessions consist of a discussion facilitated by an SIP leader who has successfully completed the course. The SIP leader knows the class content and sits through class with you every day. They hear what the class hears and read what the class reads in order to help students critically think about the class material. Statistics show that students who attend SIP attain from 1/3 to 1 whole letter grade better than those who do not. This could be you!

Firstly, let's recognize what an honor this is. I really thought he was going to ask David because he not-so-secretly loves and wants to be David but apparently I have a better personality? Whatever, yay for me and not David, haha. So the fact that he chose me is pretty cool beans.

In all seriousness though, I don't know if I should take it. The position requires about a 10 hour commitment per week, I have to change Organic Chemistry professors (to a more challenging one) and yeah. Those are the main cons I've come up with.

The pros are: I would develop a good rapport with the professor (so that he could write a kick-ass recommendation for me), it would look good on my med school application, I would be firming up my chem knowledge and, that's all I've got.

I like how he thinks...or decides rather.

So it looks like I've got three pros to two cons but those cons are a big deal. To be honest, I came to win. If my grades suffer at all, I'm out of the game. So even though I have "kick ass SIP leader" on my application, how much will that matter if I get a B in Organic? Since grades and MCAT scores are what get you remotely in the door, I need to get in the door. Seriously.

So, it is certainly good news, it's just trying to figure out what to do that's the tricky part. Any advice friends and family?

Day 037: The end of Chem I! (My one day off)

Today I hung out with the "post-bacc party" as Chris deems it. It was nice to relax and not worry about chemistry.

Ahh, lovely.

However, the fun is over so fast because Chem II starts bright and early tomorrow morning at 8am. Yes, A-M.

Anyway, this professor really has his stuff together. He's already put up everything I could possibly ask for on Blackboard -- syllabus, notes, practice problems, everything. Michael and I have decided he's going to be tough but it'll be a wonderful, organized, structured tough.

We are done with Shazam. I didn't like him, then I liked him and near the end I decided I don't really like him. Every day was an adventure in chemistry. Would we cover valence electrons? Would we make it through electron configurations? What exactly is happening for the final? Lots of questions that any good professor should have answers to. (He didn't.)

And of course, test and quiz days were always fun. The post-bacc party ultimately figured out how he tested. ...badly. He would mention something for literally four seconds and expect us to a) grasp the material and b) memorize it. Then he would put in on the test/quiz and make it worth an absurd amount of points. It doesn't matter that he spent 45 minutes on electron configurations. He wants you to remember nodes and degenerate orbitals and blah blah blah. Thank goodness the madness is over. And good riddance.

However, I made an A (unless he scales funny). In both Shazam's class and the Bobblehead's lab.

It's gratifying to know that all my hard work pays off (especially when presented with two really weird and not-that-great professors). It's also wonderful to go on to an MD on the right track.