Day 2236: Stress and rising

Stress: CONSTANT.

Rising: Jesus, apparently. Happy Easter! No, nothing fun for me. I was invited to Danny's family's Easter celebration but I am perpetually stressed so I couldn't quell the never-ending possibilities of failure and stress and all its relatives muster up the wherewithal to go. 

I wish I had more to report. Nicki and I got to hang out again which was absolutely wonderful. It's so good to catch up with her, however few and far between it is for us. How crazy is it to think we've known each other almost eight years? And how ironic and funny is it that I have somehow taken on every aspect of her old life in Milwaukee? She's okay with it, so I am too.

I have been listening to "Clair de Lune" on repeat for the past few days. Easy listening and hopefully some brain cells are getting fired up and keeping some of this absurd amount of information in my head.

The weather has been picking up lately, hello high 40s/low 50s, so Danny and I have enjoyed some outdoor runs these past few days. It's amazing a) how fast that ex-fat-boy runs, and b) how much I hate running and I still do it, haha.

I have discovered the beauties of wine (aka merlot and pinor noir aka the chump/intro wines) and am somewhat obsessed. I drink 1 serving (5 ounces) a night and kind of not-so-secretly love it. I wonder if I am trying to dull my stress. (It isn't working.)

I have decided I actually want to participate in things so I ran for some student assembly positions (I assume I will not win) and I'm attending this delegates/Wisconsin Medical Society thing in a few weekends. It's been meetings galore lately which is good (I'm actually involved in something) and bad (I lose even more time that I could be studying).

I WANT THESE NEXT THREE MONTHS TO BE OVER. The stress is unbearable. I am interminably behind in every aspect of my life -- school, friends, family. I want to die. Writing out this stress has not alleviated it in any way and is actually reminding me how much I should be learning. Don't go to medical school. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. Second to almost-being-a-vegetarian-that-one-day, and even that was done in a day.

Sigh. It gets better right?

Day 2191: S.A.D.

S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am convinced that I have this. On cloudy days, I lose my mind. I fall asleep at my desk, usually with my mouth wide open and the hint of drool making it's way out of my mouth. I can't focus. I get in to this really crappy funk that forces me to be mad at everyone close to me, Danny, my closest friend(s) at school, the whole universe basically.

I made the decision today that I must not stay at home on days like this. I will go to school and flourish under the fluorescent lights because I do not have time like this to kill. My take-home micro quiz is tomorrow and I plan on being well-rested tomorrow and infinitely more prepared for whatever comes my way (autopsy, micro, pathology, whatever).

It's been a really off week in my personal life. I need these next few days to reinvigorate myself in every possible way -- academically, personally, physically, mentally.

Day 2084: Swamped.

Hello everyone!

I was not as focused as I would have liked before my friend's arrival, but now I am officially in "gunning it" mode. I am blogging as a little study break, seeing as how I have been studying since 9am (and at school since 6:15am).

I am so stressed about school (and so tired) that I had to cancel a shadowing opportunity with a doctor I know because school is my number one priority. My number two priority is the show "Homeland." That show is seriously the best one-hour on television.

Anyhoo, as promised, here are pictures from the weekend!

Snow found Waldo!

Snow White & Little Red Riding Hood

Having a little hat fun at the Milwaukee Art Museum

Shrek 2.0

I don't know what to say to this.

Dia de los muertos mustaches at the Milwaukee Art Museum

Day 1861: Happy April Fool's!

Darling Jess, thanks for the push to update, haha.

My roommate's parents are currently in the living room hanging out with my roommate so I can't really study. Thus, a blog post.

WARNING. This will be a long post. Try to keep up ;)

Shadowing: My mentor is an ophthalmologist. The different between an ophthalmologist and an optometrist (who both look at eyes), is that my mentor can perform (laser) surgery. Being an ophthalmologist doesn't seem too strenuous, which could be good later in life. However, one of the most surprising things to me regarding the patient population is how common diabetes is in her patients. Diabetes, so what? Well, she stresses the need for her patients to take care of their blood sugar because diabetes can cause increased pressure on your eyes and you can imagine the bad effect that can have. Overall, it's been a really great experience thus far. My mentor is great and I am really enjoying the clinical exposure!

School: Le snooze. The schedule for the last two blocks is much easier than it has been. I am really not enjoying school lately because I understand the material and feel all smart and crap when I learn, but it is painfully obvious that I am a terrible test taker. I doubt my gut or I think too much about the question or, worst of all, I rationalize myself into the wrong answer. I know none of you ever respond, which is fine, but I am asking sincerely for any input you all have about test-taking. No joke, I got five questions wrong on my last physiology exam because I changed my answer from the right one to the wrong one. UGH!

In other news, I am taking a Spanish medical course. It's a completely voluntary thing. I have class twice a week, 90 minutes each, and I learn more medically-oriented things in Spanish. So, things like vocabulary and learning how to conduct a medical interview in Spanish. It's pretty sweet. And I'm enjoying it a lot. I forgot how much I miss Spanish.

Okay! The roommate (and her parents) have left! TIME TO FINALLY GET STUDYING!

Talk soon! PROMISE.

Day 1127: Boring school post.

An update on school. I received my financial aid package. Thank you government for barely giving me enough money to live. But. At least school will be paid for within the first week of school. The admissions office has received all my transcripts (huzzah). I faxed all my health forms over to make sure I could actually, gosh, see patients and not infect them. It should be the other way around, as we all know. Like I said, boring.

Day 515: Focus...focus...

Lately, as the cartoon states, I have been having a lot of trouble focusing lately. I'm not sure why. And, granted, all those things in the cartoon are viable reasons but still. In the past, I have been somewhat good about getting my school-act together. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get it together. Today's been going all right so far. Let's hope I can keep it up.

In other news, I volunteered yesterday! Finally!

It was pretty sweet. I worked on a foreclosed house yesterday. Rather than build a home from scratch, this site is focused on rebuilding and fixing up a foreclosed house. I helped scrape a whole bunch of crap off a soon-to-be re-stucco'd garage wall. It's amazing how time flies when you're doing physical labor :P

Anyway, I spoke to the site manager and I hope to be back there on a weekly basis.

P.S. My wrist hurts like no other! Hammering away really kills ya...

Day 345: I thought I blogged but...

...I guess not. I'm taking a quick break from studying to check my e-mail and finish up some online homework.

Anyhoo, I have my last Organic exam (before the final) tomorrow and I'm going to ace it. I'm studying my butt off and I'm going to rock it out.

The budget cuts across California have affected my future schooling. What this means is that I intended to continue my postbacc work in Cali (taking advanced science courses) but I can't because no schools are accepting students. And, because I dropped the ball, I am applying too late for the fall quarter. I don't know what to do.

(Copyright: ArvinComics)

I only need to take one more requirement (General Biology II) but I really wanted to take Biochemistry. Also, if I'm not taking classes, med schools will think I was being a lazy bum during the glide year/application year. It's just a lot of crappy economics happening at the moment. I've got people I need to call at SFSU, SJSU, etc today to get some 411.

Aside from that, school's about over (Cinco de Mayo is the last day!). Then I have finals. Goody.

Day 333: Revelations and some good (and not-so-good) things

After many talks with ma mere, we have come to a conclusion. I think way too much. I've been getting ridiculously overwhelmed lately because I start one task, and then realize all these other things I have to do, and then I can't focus on the task I'm doing and just start getting frustrated. Hence Day 330's new plan, which is to take everything one day at a time.

To build on that, I'm taking every single thing at a time. Task, minute, thought, and just focusing on being present because who knows where I am anymore. The past, the future, the fourth dimension...anywhere.

So the good things are:

• a little R&R courtesy of the 'rents
• a regular SIP attendee cried after getting her exam back. She proceeded to thank me (even though she's the one that got the A and not me). It was very sweet.
• school is over in three weeks!
• best friends who let you call them and use up all their minutes (while you're hysterical)
• a birthday surprise that went off with only a few minor glitches (Cheesecake Factory surprise and yummy in my tummy)

Not so good things:

• exams galore in the next three weeks (including finals)
• overwhelming myself
• my SIP professor (for Chem 1) is pissing the heck out of me