Day 2974: BFFs & one week left!

Can you believe in less than one week, I will officially be a fourth year medical student? I am an "Em-Duh" -- get it? Three-fourths of my way to an "Em-Dee"!

One of my closest friends Tiff came to visit this weekend and it was sheer and utter perfection. I really needed to see her after some drama that occurred the weekend before. She is such a calming presence and this weekend confirmed a) our similarities, b) her absolutely amazing self, and c) how much I miss her in my everyday life. It is both a blessing and curse when friends from different aspects of my life come to visit. Blessing-wise, I am reminded how loved I am and how I have found some truly awe-inspiring people who honor me with their friendship. Curse-wise, it reminds me how difficult it has been for me to find these people (see here, excluding D of course) in one of the more critical periods of my life. Medical school has been a mental and personal struggle (with the occasional triumph) and connecting with others who have experienced it has been a surprisingly arduous undertaking. I was beyond elated to spend this time with Tiff and I hope (desperately) that I can see her soon and more regularly.

Anyway, pictures to come of her visit/our lovefest. (I need her to sign the release form ;P)

Day 2928: Life is not ideal.

Sometimes you stay later than you should, or have too much to do when you need more time, or have too little to do when time is the last thing you want to have. I have been trying, every day, to acknowledge this stress, anger, sadness, disappointment, whatever it may be that day and recognize it is okay to feel this way. Life is not ideal. I am never going to get everything I want. Nor should I. Getting everything you want makes you that person. The spoiled one. The one who throws money at problems and actually "fixes" them. It's the struggles and hard times that make life worthwhile. You learn more about life, and more importantly, you learn more about yourself.

So, here's to emotions. To the stress of having to do well on boards in two months. To my anger about situations and people I cannot control. To the sadness of important (or what I thought was important) relationships changing, ending even. To disappointment in people that should never let you down. Whatever it is, I am reveling in the emotion and letting it go. I am a naturally angry person and I don't want to be that way anymore. I'm still going to be the snarky, judgmental woman who has no filter that you all love and adore. But I'm not going to be so angry, so vitriolic, so hateful. It's not a good place to be and I can't love all of me if I'm finding a way to hate you.

Day 1871: Happy April 11th!

Yes, it is April 11th. What makes it so special? Uh, hello! 4-1-1. Today is the day I am going to cram information into my petite little brain. (Fuuunn fact, I made up this entire statement but it sounded pretty natural, non?)

Anyhoo, I had a very strange Tuesday (April 10th). I learned stuff in neuroscience, then had to perform my medical interview (have I told you all about this class? It is a class where we have a standardized patient (aka an actor who has a script to follow about their medical symptoms (i.e., back pain) but can act it out however they want (i.e., screaming in pain or just sort make achey-looking-faces)) and we have to interview them...kind of like real life), then was critiqued more than my fellow classmate who also interviewed the same standardized patient/actor (which set me off to a weird mood), then fell asleep in a study room that had the heat blasting, and then woke up in a very strange state. I woke up feeling very very anxious. And generally fuzzy. And completely not with it. I then had to study a tad, then go to Spanish (where I was late because I forgot seventy-five different things) where I was completamente unfocused-ado, then I ate my paltry meal for the day because I have not gone grocery shopping yet this month (paltry = 3 carrots, hummus, greek yogurt + strawberry preserves, SunChips I bought from the vending machine), and then I was still in a weird unfocused mood. After talking to Dannykins, where I was still in a terrible mood, I finally, slowly, near the end of our conversation, got my sh!t together.

So, I bailed on working out because I was feeling sleepy and wanted to get a good night's rest so that I could attack 4/11 with a ton of 4-1-1, and instead, I have found some weird second wind and am still awake. I refuse to thwart this streak of learning, so...I'm not sure what I am going to learn right now but I am going to learn something. I'm sure this will mess with me tomorrow but. BUT! The mind is mightier than the body so I am going to try this willing thing people talk about and I am going to will myself into staying awake/learning/exercising/learning more/not dying from information overload.

Sounds fun, eh?

P.S., this intensity for the Day of Information is because I have exams next week...in case you couldn't figure it out from the sheer everywhere-ness of this post.

OKAY.ILOVEYOUALL.GOODBYE.

P.P.S., expect some picture posts soon. Words are so boring.

Day 1362: Saturday Free Clinic

While trying to maintain posting-momentum, I wanted to write about my experience at the Saturday Free Clinic last week.

In case you all don't remember, I did not get the position to be a manager of the Saturday Free Clinic. At first I felt fine about it. Then angry. And then it all quelled and I had bigger things to focus on (like staying in medical school, haha). Anyway, after that awful week of exams, I had clinic the Saturday after. And this is how it went...

Usually first-year medical students get paired with a second-year medical student. The first year (aka M1) does the interview (hi, what brings you in today? etc etc). The second year (aka M2) performs the physical. An M3/M4 does everything again. Then the three students present to an actual physician, who then goes in to actually see the patient and address whatever issues the patient has. Most M1/M2 pairs see two patients a day.

Well! There were too many M1s so I volunteered to go by myself! You've all met me. I like nothing more than embarrassing myself and my father has slowly engrained in me that whatever I don't know, it's okay! I don't have to know everything. I can't tell the patient that of course, haha, but I can tell them I will confer with the doctor (which always seems to put them at ease). Long story short, I was by myself (and was awesome, duh) and saw three patients! I got lucky because my patients weren't very difficult (back pain, a physical and some bodily malfunctions (mainly a cough) that I wasn't uncomfortable with).

The entire experience reinvigorated my desire to stay here. It gets hard when you know the material and then your exam score doesn't demonstrate that. But being in a clinical setting showed me how great I am with patients and as long as I can stay afloat, I'm going to be a great doctor. Yay for joyful posts!