Day 927: The fear slowly sets in

As 2010 winds down and we approach 2011, the fear of my future sets in. You would think I was ecstatic with, you know, having a future. I am. Very glad. Very grateful. Very [insert other emotions]. What I also am, is scared out of my freaking mind.

I barely remember where I leave my keys, how am I supposed to remember everything that happens in the human body?! It's all very daunting. What if I can't handle the load of schoolwork? What if my brain cells go on strike and choose to explode in response to the copious amounts of science I will be cramming in there? What if I hate medicine? What if this, what if that. My mind is brimming with "what ifs." Before, when I just wanted to get in and get started and really get going on this whole "becoming a doctor" bit, I am now hoping for a teeny tiny asteroid to obliterate my existence.

(Courtesy of the world wide web)

Day 926: The smell of science

Have you ever smelled the rain in a city? It hits you like a breath of fresh air. It's utterly undescribable, but very much understood when one mentions the smell of rain. The smell of science is something equally indescribable, but nowhere near as pleasant. Like the smell of rain, the scent is sharp. Like smelling peppers of any kind. It has the pungency of rotting wood, with none of the musk. It enters your nasal cavity like seeping fog. Slow. Permeating throughout your nasal cavity and sitting there. Covering every single nostril hair you have--ensuring the smell is inescapable. It's the smell of research. Progress.

Day 925: Hello December!

Does anyone feel like 2010 snuck up on them? I think that's a good and bad thing in my case. The beginning was rough (with the braces and bracing myself to apply to medical school again), but the end has been...just lovely (with the removal of braces, interviews and acceptances :D). I think there are so many things to be thankful for and I intend to post about them throughout the month.

The first of these "thankful" posts is for support...from all of you. Despite the disparagingly low number of comments, I know you read this absurd compilation of thoughts and feelings and boring med school updates (also known as my blog). It means the world to me that you a) care enough to read it, and b) call/email/comment when I so desperately need it. I know that when med school begins, my whole life will feel like it's unraveling before me (because of the sheer breadth of material I'll have to cram into my fivehead) and it's comforting to know that if I post about any of it, the five of you will read about it. It's hard to explain. It's nice to know someone cares, I suppose is the gist of it all.

So, thanks for reading. But really, thank you for being your exceptional selves. What I am capable of accomplishing in the next four years has little to do with me and everything to do with you, the people who inspire and encourage me to be more than I thought I could be. Especially when we all know how happy I would be to wallow in self-pity with the help of cheese, carbs, chocolate and bad TV.

Day 910: Good talk, good talk

I had the great fortune of catching up with an old high school friend this past Sunday. He is actually a fourth-year medical student at the school in New Orleans where I interviewed. It was great to get some insight from him about the school as well as get his honest thoughts and advice.

I suppose the moral of this story is to tell you that I have had the utmost pleasure of being given a choice of where to attend medical school. At this point, it is between a school in New Orleans and a school in Milwaukee. Given those cities alone, I can guess where a majority of you are pulling for. However, the talk with my old high school friend, let's call him Magellan, really helped make my decision easier.

And what is that decision? I'm leaning towards purchasing an all wheel drive vehicle for a cold, cold, cold environment. Honestly, the program in Milwaukee was more suited to my taste and I really enjoyed all the people I met while I was there. I was just more comfortable there.

I think I was leaning towards New Orleans, rather heavily, because they were the first school to accept me. I wasn't sure if I'd have any more options so I adjusted to the idea of a life in NoLa. Honest to blog, the New Orleans school was my least favorite of the four schools I saw. I don't think it helped I got sick and infected while I was there, but overall, the school just wasn't my favorite. It's that cheesy-but-true sentiment of "following my gut." Right now, my gut is leaning towards cold times, winter weight and an SUV!

Day 900: Has it really been 900 days?

The first one was something I was incredibly reticent about mentioning for fear it was a mistake. The second one is, well, a pleasant surprise.

I hate to spell it out for people, because it feels so crass laying all my "accomplishments" out on the line, but I suppose there's no harm in stating facts. I have, in fact, heard from cette school in Milwaukee and the prognosis is good.

Day 897: Undergraduate musings

Having had the great pleasure of participating in four medical school interviews, it was my last one in Milwaukee that led me to this post.

For those of you that know (and those of you that don't), I went to college in New York.

I'm from California.

Upon telling people this, they all seem very impressed. Well, maybe not impressed, but they do tend to say, "wow you've been all over." I didn't realize that it was odd to go to university outside of your state. All of my friends from college did the same thing. One is from Wisconsin, the other is from North Carolina by way of Indiana, and the others are from nearby Pennsylvania. Of course, there's my one friend from New York state (you know who you are), and I actually found it odd that she stayed in New York. I suppose it's what you're used to.

Anyway, I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to study in New York. It provided me opportunities abound that I certainly would not have had if I went to a state school (which my mother still laments).

It also, I find, made me much more willing to up-and-move to wherever. I kid you not, every single student and/or applicant I spoke to in Milwaukee told me they ended up attending this school (or applying/interviewing at this school) for the sheer fact that they wanted to get away from home and/or college. It would have been too much of the same and they all wanted to get away.

I realized, probably by the fourth person that told me this, that I'm not getting away from anything. Home is always going to be California. If I seem especially willing to leave it, it doesn't mean I don't love it. I adore California. But I'll always come back. To see family and friends and whatnot. So, I don't feel a pressing need to stay because I know I'll always return. I think I just never realized how different it was of me to be so willing to move. Especially when I've never considered myself to be terribly nomadic or anything of the sort.

You really learn (or finally glean) something new (about yourself, in this case) everyday.

Day 893: The Milwaukee 411

Hola todos!

Once again, I am on a plane, heading home from an interview. This interview was at a school in Milwaukee, which I surprisingly liked. I think being lucky enough to be choosy made this already no-stress interview even less stressful. As a fellow applicant stated so well, "now you [the school] have to impress me."

There were a lot of organizational/communications issues on the school's part early on in my stay, which set the Milwaukee experience off to a so-so start. Luckily, the student body, facilities, and academic structure of their curriculum made up for the disorganization.

I think coming in to the interview with a very open mind helped me see that the school actually has a ton of pros. This is the only medical school in the area so there's no competition with other students (undergrads, dental students, etc) for research positions, volunteering opportunities, etc. They offer a pseudo-extracurricular-but-essentially-required-scholarly-project in an area of medicine that interests you--and luckily one of them is global health, which I am über-passionate about. They have the same grading structure as San Antonio, which is, you earn the grade you get. No curves. There are other pros, but I won't bore you with them.

The moral of this post is to state that I would not be averse to attending this school. What most excites me about their admissions process is the fact that my interview was yesterday (Friday) and they will send out, via snail mail, their decision next Friday. That's a one week turnaround time! I'm still waiting to hear from San Antonio, my first interview way back when in August!

Anyhoo, I'll keep you all apprised.